Finding a dandelion in the snow

Chapter 13: Goodbye Katniss Everdeen

Chapter 13

Peeta's P.O.V.

I button the last button on my suit. I'm very neat today. I'm usually not very neat, I'm usually messy, the way I like and the way Katniss always used to like it. The only thing that's in a mess is my hair. I couldn't bring myself to straighten it out.

Why do I wear a suit? A black one at that? Today is Katniss funeral. And the Everdeens as asked me to sing. Usually mr Everdeen would do it but he said that he just can't. I said I would on one condition. That I got to sing a song of my own choice and that it was not going to be a traditional funeral song. The Everdeens agreed. I think that at this time, they wouldn't deny me anything, like I wouldn't deny then anything.

The only thing that sticks out with me right now is my bright white bandage. Yeah I've got to wear bandage until I can take off the stitches. I still don't care if I would've lost my whole hand, if it ment Katniss coming back. But she's not coming back, she's not. And I'm not coming back either. To who I once was. I'm just not.

I've always believed that the people around you, when you grow up, in school, close to you, your family, is the once forming you into the person you want to be. Katniss is the reason I am who I am, because I've always wanted to be good enough for her, to be good to her, someone she knew she could rely and depend on. But now, without Katniss, I've lost myself.

Someone knocks at the door. It opens slowly and carefully.

Kayleen.

It's been hard on her. She really looked up to Katniss. Katniss was her hero. Hers and the boys. Charlie is shy but he adored Katniss, he really did, he looked at her like she walked on water or something, and he's so little. I guess I'm not the only one who thought Katniss was perfect. I know I'm not the only one having a hard time with this. It's just selfish of me to even think that. The group is literary dying. No one wants to go to school. Or eat, drink, talk, hang out or even leave their house. The Everdeens doesn't leave their house. Us here at the Mellark's, we don't leave the house. The whole town is like a zombie world. Everyone, loved Katniss. She made a big difference to people. Made them feel like their life had a purpose, made them smile, made them happy. Katniss helped everyone she could, she tried even if she couldn't help.

So why, would anyone want to harm her? That's what I don't get. Why would anyone want to harm Katniss, who has never wanted to do anything but to help people. All she ever thought of was how to make other people happy, she thought of herself last, and she should've thought of herself first.

"Peeta, we're all ready to go", she says.

I look at my sweet little cousin. Kayleen is wearing a black puffy dress. And the only thing I can think when I see her in it, is that it won't be the last time she wears it to a funeral. Her mother, my aunt, is very sick and doesn't have much left. She'll die soon, and Kayleen knows it. I think Dylan knows it, but Charlie doesn't understand. Dad will take the children of course, he wouldn't have it any other way. I think, now without Katniss, raising my cousins will be the only thing I will do in my life.

I walk up to Kayleen and she takes my healthy hand in hers. She smiles sadly at me and I really try to do the same to her but I just can't. I haven't been able to smile ever since I found Katniss. Will I ever smile again? Will I ever find some sort of happiness ever again? I highly doubt it.

I walk down the stairs with Kayleen. Everyone are waiting with their outdoors clothes on. Kayleen and I put our jackets on. Even my aunt is coming to the funeral, she said she was feeling better today and Katniss as been such a help to her this time she's been here she just has to come to the funeral.

Katniss had such a good connection to everyone in my family, like it was too good to believe, everyone in my family loved, loves, her.

Why was Katniss taken away from me? From her family? From everyone?