Finding a dandelion in the snow

Chapter 14: Hopeless

Chapter 14

Peeta's P.O.V.

After the day they announced Katniss death, I haven't been going to school. That was two weeks ago. The others hasn't been going either. But we decided to at least try, for Katniss.

Before going to school this morning Sam and Kathy stopped me to tell me something. They've finally decided on a name. Katniss. Katniss Chloé Maria Mellark.

I started bawling like a baby when they told me and they asked if they shouldn't name their daughter Katniss, but I said that it was fine. It was just a very beautiful gesture.

I don't know what to do without Katniss, it's like I've literally gone both blind and deaf without her.

I meet the others in school, by our lockers.

"How are you?" Annie asks.

I shrug my shoulders. "Trying not to feel I guess", I say in my dead voice.

"Yeah lots of that going around here", Madge says. "It's just not the same".

I shake my head.

"When can you take off those stitches?" Gale asks.

"Another two weeks", I say. "But the stitches on my heart will stay forever, if my aching heart doesn't tear them away". What the fuck did I just say? What am I? A poet? No no. I'm just a loser and a sucker. I frown at myself. "Maybe I should write a book or something, I'm dramatic enough for it".

The others laugh. I don't smile. Usually I would've, but now I won't. I can't. I don't know how to smile, I've forgotten how to. I really have forgotten how to smile, and how to laugh and feel happy. How do you even feel happy? What does happy feel like?

It's like I've forgotten how to live without Katniss. I've always had her beside me, like always had her in my life, I don't know how to live without Katniss. Even when we were not together we were glued together in one piece, no one could break us apart, we were the best of friends. Maybe that's why we fitted together so good as a couple, we already knew each other inside and out, there would be no surprises, we loved each other's positive and negative sides. Katniss could be overly dramatic, that's one of her negative sides, I could be careless, that's one of mine. But we loved each other so much. We were supposed to be for life. We were engaged, we wanted to get married. I know I'll never be able to love someone else. That sounds so sad, but that's the truth.

After my aunt dies, she will die very soon, her illness is getting worse and worse, I will dedicate my life to raise my little cousins, and that will be my life, from now on.

Suddenly we hear someone banging behind us, so we all turn around. We see Cali Montgomary bang her fists onto her locker. She hits hard by the looks of things, and she shouts frustrated.

I decide to walk up to her. I think the group follows but I don't look behind me. When I come up to Cali I become a little shocked. Her big brown eyes are dead yet something wild like an animal lives in them, maybe a lion. She has black circles under her eyes, she looks destroyed.

"Cali what are you doing?" I ask.

"I can't remember my damn locker combination", she shouts and hits the locker again.

Cali has always been this quite and shy freshman. I've helped the teacher in her painting class, Cali is very talented. But she's got issues in her life to deal with, I understood that when Katniss saved her from committing suicide. That's when I realized that internal issues doesn't always show on the outside, that everyone can have problems and it doesn't have to show.

I stop her from hitting by taking her hands. "That won't solve anything Cali", I say.

"And what you did to your hands solved a lot things didn't it?" Cali snaps at me. This is about Katniss? Her new temper and newfound boldness? Her carelessness? "I don't care Peeta, see? This is me not caring at all about anything anymore, as soon as I start caring about anything or anyone it gets taken away".

"What got taken away from you?" I ask.

"Katniss", she says and I find myself feeling a little surprised. "Ever since she stopped me from committing suicide she's been there for me, we've been talking about lot, texting, talking on the phone, meeting up and doing stuff, she's taken me to the movies and and all kinds of stuff, she wanted me to realize that I'm not alone, at first I thought I was a charity project but she really became like a big sister to me, and than she's taken away from me, so now I've decided to not care anymore, I hate EVERYTHING!"

I've never realized, I think, of how many lives Katniss touched and helped, and how much she mattered to a lot of people and not just me. How much of a difference she actually did.

So why would anyone want to harm her? That's what I don't understand.

"Cali I wasn't thinking and I realise that it wasn't smart but when the principal announced what had happened to the school, something inside of me snapped because I hadn't wanted to believe it before, even when I found her lying under the snow in the woods I refused to believe it, but you hurting yourself, Katniss would be furious because that's exactly what she didn't want you to do", I say.

"What? I'm not hurting myself by hitting the locker", she says.

"I was referring to your wrists", I say looking her into her eyes.

She looks at me. Her nostrils widening and her eyes watering.

"I want to make the people who did this to Katniss, suffer", she says. "Like they made her suffer, I can't stand thinking about what Katniss must've thought in her last moments, dying alone out there". Her eyes overflows and she starts crying. I take her in my arms, holding her close to me, letting her cry agaisnt my chest.

I want to cry myself but I won't let myself do it. I look at the others and they look just as heartbroken as I feel. But what can we do? How can we comfort Cali when we're still trying to figure out how to go on ourselves?

"I want to find out how did this", Cali says. "I want to find them and make them pay".

"I do too", I say.

"Why don't we?" Cali asks and looks up at me. Her big brown eyes has gotten a sudden light into them, like lighting up a lion, I can see the lion so clearly in her eyes now. A fierce lion, and it's out for blood.

"Find out who it is?" I ask.

"Yes", Cali says. "And make them pay".

"Because we're not the police", Annie says.

"Who cares redhead?" Cali hisses, but suddenly looks shameful. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I just, the police is too slow, we could do a much better job".

Cali has a point.

"I'm in" I say.

I look at my friend and they nod, they're in as well.

We're going to find out who murdered Katniss.

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while but I hope I will be able to now.

Anyway chapter 14... what did you think? Did you like? Did you not like? Why? Why not?

Will Peeta ever love again? What will happen to Cali?

Vote and comment

-Josephine xx