[DISCONTINUED] Wherever on the Spectrum

Dysphoria's a Bitch

Sophia/Frank's pov

Lynn Gunn was a sweet girl. She seemed so oblivious that the next Alexa's Romance Car Crash involved her.

That aside, I had come to terms with myself. Somewhat.

I had come out to myself as a transboy.

The only problem was, that in itself had been a terrifying journey. How could I go through it again and again, with family and friends and peers? Lucky for me, I knew someone who had already done that. that someone happened to be my best friend since childhood, Gee Way. All I needed now was the right time.

I walked home alone, shuffling uncomfortably towards my house.

Could I ever really pass for a guy? Probably not.

At home, the thoughts grew louder.

I stared down at my obnoxiously feminine hips that jutted out too far, which curved into my feminine thighs that were always somewhere between skinny and fat, and never muscular. At least there was one thing that I could change in that moment.

My boobs.

God, I hated them. They were always the telltale sign for my femininity.

I opened one of my dresser drawers and began to dig around, clawing helplessly until I found what I needed.

I had seen countless posts online telling me to never do this, warning me of the dangers. But none of that seemed to matter at the moment.

The bandage felt strange on my chest, but I knew it wasn't enough. Pulling tighter each time, I added layer after layer. My breath was heavy, but I was changing. That's what I was desperate for. Change.

"Hey, Soph," said a voice, my bedroom door swinging open. "I think I left my jacket here this morning when I-" Gee looked down at me. I suddenly felt very small.

Time seemed to stop before they finally stuttered,"Th-that isn't safe..."

I couldn't hold it back any longer. My eyes began to water over. Oh shit, I didn't want to cry. Not in front of Gee. Not right now.

"Hey, don't cry. It's okay," Gee said, crouching down next to me and wrapping me into a hug. That just made me start to sob.

"Why can't I fucking be normal?" I cried into their shoulder. "Why can't I be happy with what I have? I'm so fucking selfish."

"No, you're amazing and you deserve to be happy. You just have to be safe. Talk to people," They said gently but firmly, wiping my tears as they spoke.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Gee hugged me tighter. We sat like that for a while.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gee asked eventually after they calmed me down. I nodded.

"You have to take off that binding, first, though," they said sternly. I sighed.

After changing into a tight sports bra and throwing on a sweatshirt, we sat down on my bed.

"I think I wanna be a boy," I said quietly. Gee nodded.

"Have you told anyone else?"

"No. Just you."

"Okay," they nodded slowly. "Do you have a name you'd rather go by?"

I smiled. "Honestly, I really like the name Frank."

"Then hello Frank," they smiled and squeezed my hand. They looked so beautiful as they did.

I leaned onto their shoulder. "I love you," I sighed.

"I love you too," they replied, wrapping their arms around me.

We sat like that for what felt like a happy eternity.

I couldn't help but wonder what type of love they meant when they said that. Friend love, family love, or romance love? Somehow, I unfortunatley felt all three types at once. We had grown up together, and ver since sixth grade, I had liked them. I unfortunately had turned from an eleven year old with a crush into a genuinely in love sixeen year old.

Suddenly, without thinking, I leaned in and kissed them. I could feel them tense under my mouth, then slowly lean into it.

As my brain began to work once more, I pulled away. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Gee blushed. "Well, it was nice."

"I wasn't thinking."

"You're brave." They looked at the ground.

"What?"

"I've wanted to do that since I was in seventh grade, you in sixth," they said in a half whisper. Blush creeped into their cheeks.

I smiled. "Me too."

They looked up. "Oh," they said, sounding surprised. "Well, uh, do you want to... be my boyfriend?"

I was smiling like crazy. They called me a boy. They asked me out. "Yes!" I breathed.

They pulled me close and locked their lips onto mine. They tasted sweet and warm, like comfort.

"I actually came here originally to get my jacket. I'm pretty sure I left it here when I picked it up this morning," Gee said after a while. Picking it up from my floor, I handed it to them.

"My mom is going to be home soon, but we should do this again sometime. Maybe on Friday night, after dinner out?" I asked.

They smiled. "It's a date."

I kissed their cheek as they left, leaving me to process the last hour. I had come out to my best friend and crush, kissed them, and became their boyfriend. Holy shit.

I picked up my phone.

soapy oreo: holy shit I'm dating you

w(g)ay: shit das tru

soapy oreo: wait I should change my user

soapy oreo changed their name to french onion

french onion: there thats better

w(g)ay: holy

french onion: imma come out o everyone tomorrow

w(g)ay: hahahahhahahahhahaha cum waddup

french onion: shit

w(g)ay: o

french onion: boi

w(g)ay: dat

french onion: come

w(g)ay: here

french onion: y we like this

w(g)ay: idk bro

w(g)ay: o shit i gotta lotta hw goTTA BLAST

french onion: o shit i do too yike

french onion: i love yoy no homo tho bro

w(g)ay: ME HOY MINOY

w(g)ay: ok l8r m88

I put down my phone and tried to start on my homework but all I could think about was Gee and how I was going to come out. I figured I could just say it, casually. That would probably work out best.

In the end, I wound up falling asleep while slumped over my biology notes, now covered in doodles. And for once in a while, my dreams were happy and calm.