The Collision Theory | Remus Lupin

45. Quite Wolfish

By the time we're in London, the sun is just setting. Granted, we had to stop for petrol, then wait in an hour's worth of traffic.
As we near the Leaky Cauldron, everyone's slightly irritated. For one, Sirius claimed he needed the loo every five minutes for the last hour, And James kept complaining that the back was too hot, while Peter said it was too cold. The latter threw wrappers at the back of Lily's head, and in return she flicked them back. Miriam fell asleep on me, which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't constantly talk in her sleep. Remus looked as though sitting had started to physically pain him, and grumbled continuously.

Long story short: the last hour has been Hell.

In all honesty, everyone's insanely glad that we've arrived. Euphemia locks the car door once we've taken our bags, "Inside now! Quickly!"

I drag my half-asleep sister into the inn, following Peter. Monty squeezes past us towards the counter towards the receptionist the desk, who looks rather tired, "Hi, the rooms for the night, under Potter?"

"Fleamont Harold Potter?" The woman scans the guest's book. Monty nods, "Yeah, that's rooms eight, nine and eleven. First floor."

"Thanks." Monty takes the keys from her, "Come on kids."

We follow him up the first flight of stairs, and I try hard not to show anyone that I'm finding carrying my case up the stairs rather difficult. With great pride, I actually manage to make it to the rooms.

"We'll have eight," Euphemia raises the keys of nine to James, and number eleven to Lily, "get ready for dinner, we'll meet downstairs in ten minutes."

With eleven and nine being next to either, we can here the boys shuffling around their room through the thin walls. I pull out my toothbrush and stick it in the bathroom in an attempt to make the room a little more homely, "Well, it's certainly...cosy."

"Always the optimistic one aren't you?" Lily pushes her case into a corner, and takes out her school robes to hang out in the little closet.
Cosy is optimistic.
There's just enough room to walk between the two single beds, and near enough impossible to fully open the bathroom door. It's also immediately clear that I'll have to share with Miriam again.
Oh happy days.

"Optimism is the way forward." I sigh, lying down on one of the beds, "At least the beds are kind of comfy."

"I'm hungry." Miriam pouts, already at the door. She bounces on her heels impatiently as we get up.

Lily locks the door behind us, and pockets the key, "I'll get the boys, you go."

We descend the stairs to the dining area, where Mr and Mrs Potter have saved us a table. We sit by them, and a few minutes later Lily and the boys join us.

"Shall I get your orders?" The waiter comes one we've settled down. We order our food and fall back into a tired silence. Sirius begins to drum his fingers across the table, humming to himself.

"Padfoot." Remus sighs, calling Sirius by his absurd nickname with a tone of someone dealing with a toddler.

"Yes Moony?" Black halts momentarily, smirks, then resumes the tapping. He's not particularly bothering anyone but Remus, which is to be honest, slightly amusing.

Remus only glares at his fingers, "Sirius. It's annoying."

"Stop harping on me," Sirius nudges him in a playful manner with his shoulder, now with both hands on the table, "it's like playing the piano-"

"Just stop!" Remus slams his hand on the table, making us jump in fright, "Sirius! Just one fucking minute alright? My head hurts."

"Mate..." James begins, but is cut off by Remus abruptly standing up.

"I-I should... go." Remus wrings his hands, eyes already tearing up, "I'm sorry uncle Monty, Euphemia."

We watch in silence as he retreats quickly up the stairs, still in shock. Sirius breaks or attention away, "He gets a bit bitchy close to... well his time of the month."

"Bit immature, Sirius." Lily groans, and I can see that she's trying hard not to cause a scene.

"Like you all weren't having a laugh."

"Didn't mean you should push him to breaking point Sirius." I spit.

"You think I knew this would happen?" Sirius hisses, "I of all people know where the line is, how long have you known him?"

"Sirius!" James tries to interject.

Ignoring James, I raise my voice a little louder, "Since the start of term, but at least I know where people's comfort zones lie."

Lily grabs my arm, and says through gritted teeth, "Lin..."

"He'll be fine, give him space to let off steam. Don't smother him." Sirius laughs, "Honestly, I don't know why your getting annoyed Novak-"

"He's just left his family!"

"So? He does it every year."

"You're an insensitive prick, Black." I tut, getting up to leave the table, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to check on Remus."

I turn on my heel and had straight forward the stairs without looking back. Only when I reach the room do I stop.
Maybe I was wrong.
Sirius does know him better.
Was I too quick to get angry?
Now's not the time to think about that. I'm about to knock on the door when I hear a crash followed by swearing. I lean close to the door, "Remus."

"I'm fine." His voice sounds muffled by the door between us, but it's undeniably shaky, like he's at a breaking point.

"That's a lie. Just let me in."

I have no idea if being frank will work, but there's a few moments of silence that stretch out like years before I hear the creaking of floorboards on the other side. He's standing right by the door, "Are you alone?"

"Yes." I sigh. There's a moment where I know he's contemplating not letting me in, but then the lock clicks and the door creaks open, just a slither, as Remus peaks to see if there's anyone but me. I take a small step back, shrugging, "Just moi."

"I'm a trainwreck." He laughs weakly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, letting me in.

I sit beside him on the bed, taking his hand as he leans on me, "It's not something you can control, Remus."

"Any other time I would've found Sirius somewhat amusing, it's really not his fault." Remus meets my gaze, and I know that he's aware that I had a shouting match with Black.

Thinking better than to push the topic, I smile up at him, "Don't bottle up the feelings alright? You have us to rant to, we're happy to listen."

"Could you just sit with me?" He asks, almost timid, "Unless you want to go have dinner of course."

"I'm not that hungry anyway." I lie, and let him rest his head on my shoulder. We enjoy the silence, and I take the time to take it all in. The way his pale fingers entwine in my darker ones. The way the small scars of scratches and cuts peak out from under his sleeves. The hues of darker browns scattered between his tawny curls. A feeling of longing settles in my chest, as if these things are what I've missed my whole life.

"Lin." Remus whispers, as if slowly nodding of to sleep.

"Yeah Moony?"

He laughs to himself, before saying, "I think I'm in love...actually, I know I am."

"You're a dork, Remus," I laugh, but am only met with silence, "Remus?"