The Collision Theory | Remus Lupin

62. Some people just can't hold their liquor

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR," Led by Peter, the crowd chants, "WHO'S THE BEST? IT'S GRYFFINDOR!"

I find myself squashed between Maisie and Irene, with Scott Angelo and Buzz Taylor whooping and cheering in front of us. Despite all of this celebration, I want to desperately find Lily and Remus, but they don't seem to be anywhere.

"I bet you five galleons I can finish a firewhiskey in one," Maisie's voice brings me out of my thoughts as we enter the castle, heading towards the common room.

"Oh please," Irene scoffs, "you can't even finish a glass of butterbeer without collapsing."

I snort at this, in an attempt to conceal my laughter. Maisie nudges me with her elbow, "What? You don't think I can?"

"Sounds like someone can't hold their liquor-" I grin, narrowly dodging the girl's hand as she tries to slap me on the arm, "no need to be so violent!"

Irene places herself between us, laughing, "No fighting! At least until we get upstairs."

There's already a large crowd as we get to the common room entrance, and Scott drags us right to the front, before shouting the password so loud he almost deafens me. He pushes us through, "Go go go!"

The moment I step through, a series of loud bands erupt, and we're littered with the contents of party poppers. I pull the strings away to find Lily, Marlene, Alice, Emmeline and Dorcas standing in front of me with wide grins, "Oh my-"

"SHE IS BEAUTY SHE IS GRACE," in a matter of seconds the girls lock me in a death grip of a hug, chanting, "SHE'LL GRAB THAT SNITCH IN A CHASE!"

"Calm down! I can't breathe! You're killing me!"

They pull away, though Marlene still holds onto my arm, jumping up and down, "That was amazing! I mean, I knew you were crazy, but when you did that thing," she re-enacts my snitch catching moments with sweeping motions, "you're a psycho."

"Thanks," I laugh, rolling my eyes, "let's celebrate that."

"Well, we've got a lot to celebrate with," Alice smirks, pointing over to the table, where bottles are lined.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal, Miss Fortesque," the voice comes from behind, and I turn to see Remus pushing past a load of people to get to us, "I'm not going to ask where you got all that firewhiskey from."

"Remus!" I shriek as he hugs me, jumping up and down like we've won the house cup.

"You did it! What did I say? I was right!" He cries, laughing, but it quickly turns into coughing.

"Calm down," I sigh, though I can't hide my smile, "deep breaths."

"I'm good, I'm good," he does as I say, before straightening back up.

"Idiot."

"Love you too," he grins, pecking me on my forehead before pulling me towards where Lily is coaxing Peter to try to mix giggle water and pumpkin juice.

*

There are bad decisions, and then there are decisions that make you want to jump into a black hole.
Apparently, following Lily's advice and trying muggle drinks falls under the latter category.
I wake in the early hours of the morning, strangely aware of the inability to feel my left foot. Craning my neck to see the cause, I find James and Peter crashed on the couch next to me. While I have a considerable amount of space on the sofa, James has managed to sit on my foot as well as hang halfway off of the sofa. Slowly, so as not to wake him, I get up, ignoring the pounding in my head.

Unfortunately for Potter, I get one of the worst ideas imaginable for this scenario, and shake his shoulder gently, "James... Jamesiekins..."

"Too early..."

"James, dear," I coo, before clearing my throat and shouting right in his ear, "JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER GET UP YOU INEBRIATE!"

The following sequence of events are what can only be described as beautiful.
Potter jumps from his place, sightly overestimates the force needed to get up, and does the most graceful faceplant into the carpet I have ever seen. He groans, and pushes himself up, "Novak!"

"James!" I imitate his cry, causing him to wince and cover his ears.

"Quiet, my head hurts."

"Shouldn't have gotten hammered then, should you?"

"I hate you so much," James stumbles towards the stairs to the dormitories, "I'm going to murder you."

"Not if I kill you first."

*

So apparently, karma got me fair and square, because I spend the entire rest of the day practically baby-sitting Lily, Marlene, Alice and Emmeline.

"My head!" Alice sniffles, "Save me the pain, amputate it!"

"If you drank more water, it wouldn't hurt as much," I sigh, and point my wand to the jug, levitating it over to Alice's glass and filling it.

"You sound like my mother."

"And you sound like a whiny baby." I turn my attention to the locked bathroom door, "You alright in there, Evans?"

"Absolutely dandy," Even muffled through the oak door, her voice is clearly dripping with sarcasm, "of course not."

"Don't speak to me in that tone young lady!"

"You're not my real mum!" I hear her laugh from the other side.

"Exactly why I plan not to have kids," I shake my head, picking up a bowl of cold water and soaking a face towel in it, "you've all taught me it's a bad idea."

"I'd pay to see you try to handle a child," Marlene smirks from her place, "it would be a right laugh."

"You're charming, McKinnon." I push her hair away from her brow before wringing the towel, "Chin up, and don't take this off."

"Ow, not so hard, Novak," Marlene groans as I place the damp towel on her forehead, "don't ever go into nursing."

"Alright then," I set the glass of water in my hand on her bedside cabinet, just out of her reach, "I'll just go and get Madame Pomfrey, then you can explain how you got alcohol poisioning-"

"I take it back, you're absolutely brilliant!"

"That's much better."