fools [rilaya] - short story

s e v e n

last chapter was jumping from place to place and basically a mess. hope that this chapter is a bit better. i'm not sure how many chapters this book is gonna have yet; maybe around 20/25. idk i'll see. happy reading ! ily -sierra

RILEY'S POV - past tense

                            After about an hour of back and forth conversation with this new girl, Alison, I realized the sun was setting and I would be expected back at home soon. My parents were most likely worried and I had lost my phone, running out of the station so I was screwed. But I didn't dwell on that. This newfound girl was sitting beside me, listening to every word I spilled out, every tear I shed as a result of Maya. God, how could I have been so stupid to believe that Maya was sober enough to be with me? What if she was hungover while we had sex? This revelation of her relapse only caused there to be more questions. Right then and there, Alison grabbed my hand and told me it was gonna be alright. She reassured me with her crystalline brown eyes not leaving mine. Maya's ocean blue eyes had just flashed in my mind, but I suppressed the memory. That wasn't the same girl I had thought I fell in love with. 

                            "Here, take my number." Alison scribbled down her digits on a scrap piece of paper from her bag and handed it to me. I took it, smiling at her for a good 10 seconds. I eventually broke the silence as I offered my number too, and she took it as well. 

                            "Thanks, Alison. For listening. So much happened today, and we should meet up again sometime soon for coffee. To talk about you for a change." I lightly chuckled, as she cracked a grin as well. She nodded and bid her goodbye, something about having to run a few errands. Her long, black and white striped cardigan flailed behind her short frame that still somehow dominated the sidewalk. I took that as my cue to leave as well, not wanting to spend too much time on the steps. Walking closer to the subway station and eventually getting on the train, I sat down to think about how different it would be if Shawn hadn't died. Would Maya and I have gotten back together? Probably not. 

                          Then our relationship actually was a rebellious teenage act? That made me scared. That I hadn't actually grown up, that me and Maya as a couple was just a childish reaction to the actual grief and pain and loss over Shawn's death. Shawn reminded me of Maya in so many ways, and if things had turned out differently, he could've been Maya's father, according to our 'master plan' from 8th grade. I couldn't believe how time flew. How much I had lusted after Maya, not knowing that she was drinking away the pain. I mean, is that how she dealt with the pain of Shawn's death now? She was so composed a day after he passed, it had to have been the alcohol. What else could it have been?

                        Because of this, I got off the train two stops early, heading for Maya's house. I needed some answers. And I was going to get them, heartbroken or not.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                           I knocked on the apartment door five times already, when the door finally opened and I was face to face with Katy Hart. She stood in a red sweater and dark wash jeans with her hair up in a bun, trying her best at a small smile. I sighed, remembering that she had found out about me and Maya from the other night and how she told my parents. I wanted to be angry with her, but instead I made an attempt to negotiate with her and speak calmly for once that day. 

                           "Look, Katy, I'm sorry you had to find out about me and Maya. But can I just please, please talk to Maya? It'll be really quick, I promise." My words clearly had no effect on whether or not I was getting in, as Katy had a reply of her own.

                            "I'm sorry, too, Riley. Because of what you and Maya did, I think you should take some time to yourself, plus your parents are really worried about you, not to mention the fact that Shawn just died, and I-" Now, normally I wouldn't cut off Maya's mother in the middle of a sentence, but this was just too important to wait. Maya needed to answer me. I couldn't stand not knowing if she was okay or not. She could be drinking as I spoke, and I wouldn't even know. I was in a big hurry, and clearly Katy saw that as I spoke too. 

                             "Haven't you ever cared about someone so much that you would do anything for them? Whether it was Shawn, or-or Kermit, you must know what it feels like when you know you're about to lose someone. Katy, that's what I feel like right now." I could see she tensed up when I mentioned her ex-husband's name, which I regretted. Katy definitely had questions about what was going on, but I wasn't prepared to let her know just yet. I wasn't about to tell her about Maya's relapse because I couldn't risk the thought of Maya distancing herself because of me being a niche. So, Katy finally motioned for me to come in, advising that I be careful, because apparently Maya had been in an emotional state all day.

                             As I climbed up the stairs and reached Maya's room, I saw her sitting on a chair, staring out the window, her tear stained cheeks becoming visible to me as she turned to face me when I entered the room.

                           Maya Hart was the epitome of all my love and a complete mystery at the same time, because it was obvious that her fragile, vulnerable state was revealed only to certain people, like Shawn and now me again. Her sketchbook still lay where she had knocked it to the ground just last night when me and her...you know. So when I reached for her hand and she pulled away, it stung. Somewhere deep inside me I knew she craved my touch. It was just her trust that I had lost, and with that, everything was going to come crashing down if I didn't fix it soon and get some answers.

                          "I need to know, Maya. Did you..." I exhaled slowly, and sat on her bed, tilting to face her as she shifted uncomfortably. "Did you drink to get over Shawn's death?" This question had hit her, hard. She stuttered, struggling to defend herself over my question. Her answer came almost immediately after that, as she came and sat down next to me on the bed and almost, almost  reached for my hand.

                           "No, no I haven't drank since he died, but I did drink before trashing the principal's office. But I can't believe you would ask a question like that. Do you think I'm some alcoholic monster with no feelings?" She grabbed the sketchbook from the ground, flipping to a certain page and threw it at me as I caught it with both my hands, looking at the drawing. It was dated, making me realize it was the drawing from last night when I came over. A drawing of me, Shawn, and Maya in my room. I was touched, but blatantly blindsided. 

                             "What does this have to do with your drinking problem?" I asked.

                             "It doesn't. I grieved by drawing this, not drinking the pain away like you thought. The only problem here is that you thought I was a lot weaker than I actually am. If we're going to be together, Riley, can't you have a little faith in me?" She grabbed the sketchbook and shut it closed, her eyes never leaving mine. I leaned forward and started kissing her neck as she rolled her head back, slowly giving in until she stood up and backed away from me. 

                            "Maya, I don't understand. Don't you love me?" I asked, my voice breaking on the words.

                              "That's just the problem, Riley. I'm so deeply fucking in love with you I can hardly bear it. It's going to ruin me, when you-you...." 

                             "When I what?"

                             "When you leave me."