Colorful raindrops

Chapter 6

***TRIGGER WARNING***

*alex's POV* (this was before he was in the hospital
"You're not good enough."
"Nobody wants you"
"Nat is gone so he can spend less time with you"
"You don't even have a job"
"The producers hate you"
"You can't sing"
"Your parents hate you"
"Everyone hates you"
"Just die already"
The voices inside my head wouldn't leave. They would go away if I died. I know it. But was it worth it? I've always struggled with depression but nobody ever knew except Nat. My parents were always gone so I could never tell them. I don't like anything about me. The fans always love Nat. Not me. It's not fair. I just want to feel loved. I don't wanna be heard, I wanna be listened to (hehe tøp reference) would it be better if I just ended it all? The fans would care for maybe a day. My parents would be too busy to care that much. But I'm all Nat has. He'd be heartbroken. But that's only one person in the world full of people. I have to. The voices inside my head had won. I failed and lost this fight. (Hehe mcr asf) i sat down and took out a pen and piece of paper. I started writing.

"Nat, I know you'll be the first to find this. I love you bro. Ever since the naked brothers band. I love you. You're all that I had. Please, go on with life. Don't worry about me. This is the voice inside my heads fault, not yours. You're the best brother anybody could ever have. Don't stop singing and acting. It's what you do best. There's a song I wrote for our next album. It's in my notebook. It's called 'colorful raindrops' I think you'll enjoy it. Make it your own. Mom and dad, thank you for all that you did for me. You raised me into a man. A man I never thought I could become. You've taught me everything I know. I do wish you were here more, but I understand. Thank you for making me and Nat famous by producing the NBB. You guys are the best. Josh, you're the bestest friend anybody could have. Thank you for loving me and for treating me better than all the other assholes at school. I know you'll stay strong. Please stay strong. Nat's future girlfriend, (I know you'll have a girlfriend, Nat. You have the looks. ;) ) please be good to Nat. I know you'll be the one. I'll be looking after you two. Don't cheat on each other. Stay together. Get married. Have fun. I love you nat's future girlfriend. And I know you're going through a lot. don't end up like me. Fans, stay strong. I love you all. I love all of you. I'm sorry it had to be this way. Stay strong. Live on. Power to the local dreamer. (Twenty one pilots again sorry I'm trash) love you all, Alexander draper Wolff. <3

When I finished the note, I set it on the whiteboard in my bedroom hoping it will be discovered after I'm gone. I grab my full bottle of pills and my blade I haven't used since September, and I put on my favorite song at the moment, 'Helena' by My Chemical Romance. One by one I swallowed a pill until the bottle was gone. I cut my arms until it was more blood than flesh. As I was drifting away from the world, I looked at the time. It was 4:30 in the morning. Nat please come home. I heard Nat call my name and then everything went black. I felt numb.

GUYS IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO DEPRESSING. please don't kill me. Hopefully things will get better in the next few chapters. I'm still not sure where this is going. Continue to read lovelies. Xoxo :)