one shots // phan

failure

Song: failure by breaking benjamin
Word count: 480

Life will come our way,
It has only just begun.
The world will die alone
The frail will fall below.

He remembers when it happened. The beginning of the end.

Time will take our place.
We return it back to one
The calm before the cold,
The long and lonely road.

He was happy then. No depression. No anxiety. No suicidal thoughts.

Look for the light that leads me home.

Bright lights. Car horns. Screeching of rubber against pavement. A crash.

Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Failure.

He remembers throwing stuff. Tearing his bedroom apart piece by piece. Stopping at a picture frame on his bedside table.

Drive the cloud away,
We will fall from last to none.
The dark before the dawn,
The world will carry on.

Nobody outside their little circle of people would remember him. Wouldn't know all the amazing things he did and how happy he made him.

Look for the light that leads me home.

The way his warm brown eyes sparkled in the light. The way his smile shown like a thousand suns.

Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Tired of wasted breath, tired of nothing left.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Failure.

He stared at the picture, frustation and anger boiling inside him again. Hot tears streaking down his face as he threw the picture frame. The glass shattering into tiny pieces as they hit the floor.

Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Tired of wasted breath, tired of nothing left.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.

He had failed at keeping him safe. Failed to do the one thing he promised he would do.

We bury the sunlight (Failure), we bury the sunlight (Failure).
Failure! Failure.
We bury the sunlight (Failure), we bury the sunlight (Failure).
Failure! Failure.

It replays in his head over and over again. The lights as they got closer to the passenger side of the car. Speeding towards them in slow motion. The horrible crunching of metal and bone. Cries of help from the boy he loves, being trapped, not being able to move to save him.

He screams as he remembers. Punching the plaster of his wall. Pulling at his hair until it comes out in clumps in his hands, falling to the floor soundlessly as he bends down, tears falling onto the glass. He picks up the picture, staring at it silently.

He looks at those brown eyes and for a moment everything seems okay. But it isn't. It never will be. He hates himself and that's never going to change.

Failure.

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