Miles Away (Daryl Dixon Love Story)

Chapter 35: Out Of It

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I was shaking.

Numbness.

Guilt.

Failure.

All of these feelings were too much for me. I was no longer in littlespace now. That moment had brought me out of littlespace faster than ever.

I couldn't say a word. I just kept staring off into space, looking out the window. This blank, terrified look on my face. I did notice that we pulled over though. I watched the cars and trucks stop moving, just like I stopped that man from hurting me. "Sweet pea," I was lost in the memory and looked to my right to see Daryl standing there with my door open. "Can I have the knife?" He asked sweetly. I wanted to hand it to him, but I couldn't move. "Please?" He asked. I stared at my bloody hands. This was someone else's blood. I could've killed him.

The thought scared me and once again I started to cry. I squeezed the knife in my hand and shook my head. "No, no, no, no, no." I whispered over and over again. "Let me see it, baby." Daryl gently grabbed the knife, trying to take it from my hands. "No!" This was a weapon that almost killed somebody. I screamed and tossed it outside. "Get it away from me!" Everyone was watching like I was a mad woman from the looney bin. I wouldn't criticize them for it though, I was crazy, I stabbed a man today.

"Here," I watched Andrea passed some water and a cloth to Daryl. Why was she helping me? She hated me because Daryl had to put her sister down due to me not watching my surroundings. Daryl turned me so my legs dangled out of the truck. He wet the cloth with some water and started cleaning my hands. "Shh, it's okay. I got ya' baby doll." I shook my head. I wasn't a baby doll anymore. I was a bad person. A person that tried to kill someone. Although killing wasn't my intension, it could've happened.

"We can hide the cars in that big garage, and camp in there for the night." I overheard Rick telling the group our new plans. "All better," Daryl said once he cleaned my hands. "No, it's not." I whispered and pulled myself back into the truck. It will never be better again.

Daryl had pulled the truck into the garage. He helped Rick and Shane close the doors and bolted them up. I watched my group set up camp. Carl and Sophia were setting up the tents together with the help of Carol. Andrea and Lori were starting on dinner. Glenn and Dale were looking at a map, probably for possible shelters. Steven and Kyle were setting up their own tent. Everyone was doing something, and I was just sitting in here.

I was uncomfortable in my own skin, around my own boyfriend. I couldn't stand when he would glance at me from across the garage. I was a disappointment. I failed him in being his little girl.

They made a small meal for dinner, mostly just random canned foods that we had stocked up back at the CDC. Daryl came over and begged me to get out of the truck and come talk to people, claiming I would feel better. "Please, baby girl? Maybe, we can find yer' colorin' book and color." He suggested. I shook my head, "I don't wanna color." He frowned at me. I eventually got out of the truck and joined everyone for dinner. "Hi, Ally." Lori said. She was always very gentle with me and sweet. I didn't smile, but I said hello. "Here, eat up." She got my plate for me, which I was surprised by. Usually Daryl was the one getting things for me. "Thank you." I began to eat, but slowly. I didn't was to rush myself. My stomach was still sick from earlier, all that blood, and that...

I stopped thinking about it and jumped when Daddy sat behind me, pulling me into his chest so I sat between his legs. The feeling of his arms around my neck startled me, that's how that man grabbed me. I jumped up, dropping my plate on the floor and backed away. All I could see was that man in front of me. "No, no, no, please just stop." I wanted it all to go away. I didn't want to think about that man or anything that happened today.