Never Have I Ever

Chapter 1

    I was never truly comfortable hiding my relationship with him knowing good and well he had a boyfriend. But I couldn't help myself, I loved him, I was IN love with him and there was nothing anyone could say or do that was going to change that.

   I had developed something with him that no one person could ever make me feel. I just can't live with the fact that when all of this truly hits the fan, I'm going to look like the bad guy. It's not my fault, I mean... I'm human, I deserve love too...right?

   I saw Allen at school the next day and it was... awkward to say the least. He just kind of looked at me. It wasn't a long glare either, more like a passing glance but it sure wasn't a pleasant one.

"So what Allen, we're just not going to talk? " I said.

"What do we have to talk about exactly? " He said.

"So you're just gonna pretend like nothing happened? Like you didn't feel something between us?"

"That's just it ! NOTHING HAPPENED! " His eyes widening with anger as he spoke. "So stop talking about it, it was a one time thing. I fucked up. That's it. I'm  happily taken and I'm going to continue to be that way."

   He then imeadiately  walked off and I was left there just kind of numb. Did I just imagine something that wasn't there? I can't be the only one who felt something between him and I? Something that you just don't create with anybody? Maybe I.... I just need to take a break from him.

   I went through my school day as usual, just trying to hold in everything I wanted to say to him, every little feeling that just wanted to seep out of the cracks in my heart. I was hurting, I was hurting for a guy who wasnt even..... Mine.

    I walked in the kitchen and my mom could immediately tell something was wrong with me. I wasn't really in the mood to talk, just sleep.

  "I'm fine mama. I don't know, I think it was just a long day."

    "You know I can always tell when something's wrong with you. But if you don't want to talk, I'm not gonna force you." She continued toward my direction while wrapping her arms around me. I wanted to just break down and cry in my mothers arms but I just had to hold it back.

      I went to my room and threw my stuff on the floor. I lied there on my bed just contemplating about how confused I felt. It felt like my brain was running miles inside a plastic bubble going nowhere.

      All of the sudden my phone lit up, and it was a text from Allen. I can't possibly think of a reason to even look at his message, let alone reply to what he had to say. But reluctantly I opened my phone and read the message.

  "Deon, you have to understand, I love you but I just can't find my self leaving my boyfriend. I'm just confused right now"

As I read the message all I can think is      

     How does he think I feel?

      Although I felt a sense of relief finally seeing that he felt the same. But what was I honestly suppose to do with my feelings? Wait for him to leave a relationship he's clearly not happy in? I think not. I have a much better plan than that.

     The next day Allen didn't show up to school, which didn't shock me much seeing how things played out yesterday. But I saw his "boyfriend", Kevin. Kevin and I had never really spoke to each other. In my head, I always felt we had a since of respect for each other, even though we barely knew each other. We may pass a smile every now and again but other than that? Nothing.