Anxious

\4

I went back to my room and pulled out my ukulele.

I checked to see that nobody was here and started playing an old original song.

I sang along lightly and stopped when I heard a knock on the door.

I put it down and answered it.

"I was wondering where you were." Daniella said.
I wanted to ask why she wanted to talk to me but instead I just moved so she could come in.
She walked in and paced a little.
"First. I know you gave me the jacket."
I nodded.
"And I think it was sweet how you treated me like that. After our history.."
I looked down.
"Why?"

I pulled out the journal.
'Because I'm not a shitty person.

"I understand that. But me of all people?"

'You had cried yourself to sleep probably because of this abusive idiot that you call a boyfriend. And it was cold. You could've gotten sick. I was being considerate.

She read it and looked up at me.
"How did you know about him?"
I grabbed a makeup wipe and ran it under her eye. The bruise showed up and I backed away.
"you saw it."

I nodded. 'I didn't want anything bad to happen to you. I've never wanted anything bad to happen to you.

"What?"

'You're gonna make me say it...

"Say what?"
I started shaking and dropped the journal.

I opened my mouth and she looked shocked.
"I....iii-I'mmm. Im. In love wwwith yy-you." My breaths weren't stable anymore.

Hide.
I ran into the closet and pulled my knees to my chest.

The door didn't open. I heard her slide down to the floor.

I tried speaking again. "Y-yyyou. T-t-thhink iiiim a fr-heak."

"No. Well. I used to. But I don't anymore."

"Ttthen. Whwhy arre y-ou here?"

"I.."
You what?
"I'm insane."

"Wh-what?"
She stood up and opened the door. She crawled over to me, put a hand on my cheek and I lifted my head.

She kissed me and I was shocked.
This isn't happening. I put my arm around her neck as she slipped her tongue into my mouth.

Maybe it is..

We pulled away and she stood up. She picked me up and set me on my bed.

"I love you." She said with a nod and left the room.
The only thing I could do was chase her.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
She stumbled and I caught her. We were inches apart and she blushed.

"Who's this babe?" The lizard said.

"I have to talk to you." She said to him.

"What?"
I ran and got a teacher.

"I'm breaking up with you." He chuckled and pushed her into the wall.
"Please. Not here. Not again."

"You're not breaking up with me. You want that pretty bruise under your eye to have a twin?"

"That is enough!" The teacher said. He grabbed the idiot and pulled him away from my princess.

What? It's my head. I can say what I want.

She ran to me and I hugged her. She hid her face in the crook of my neck.
I took her back to my room and she sat on my bed.

I looked at the bruise and pointed to it.
"More?"
She nodded.
"Show. Please." I was speaking in only fragments but at least I was speaking.

She took off my jacket and I knew where they mostly were.
"Not sexual." I shook my head. "Not yet."

She smiled at me a little and I lifted her shirt above her head and took it off.
The bruises were all over her back.

I heard her sniff and I looked her in the eyes.
"He's done this for so long. And. You got him taken away. For me?"

"Yes." I nodded and went back to her back. "Facedown. Please."
She laid down and I rubbed her back.
Occasionally she would wince and I brought my lips down over the bruise and kissed it.

I think she'd do it on purpose at times. I finished and she sat up.

"Thank you."

"Anything. For you." I said.

"That was sweet." She said. "Can we make out now?"

"Not ready." I said and shook my head with a small smile.

"When will you be?"
I shrugged and wrapped my arms around her neck. Her hands lightly gripped my waist.
"You got a little curve goin on mami."

I blushed. I never thought this would ever happen.
My anxiety wasn't an issue. It was just her and I. Nothing else mattered.

"Horny?"

"Mhm."

"Not ready."

"That's fine. It is. But.." She played with the buttons on my shirt.
I sighed. "It'll only be fair. My top is popped so why can't yours be?"

"Fine. Not all." I unbuttoned the shirt but kept it on.
She stared at me.

Oh god. Did I do something?
It's all my fault. Shit.

Before I could run she pulled me into a kiss.
"You're beautiful." She said looking me in the eyes.
"But this still isn't fair."

I looked and saw the jacket. I held it out and she shook her head while putting it on.

"Fair?" I asked and she touched my bare waist. It honestly made me weak in the knees.

She kissed above the waistline of my pants and up my stomach. I tangled my fingers in her hair.
She pecked each of my abs and stopped at my bra.

"You play with hair?"

"Kinda."

"That's hot." She said wrapping her arms around my waist. She rested her hands on my butt. Or lack there of. It's average? I guess?

I took her hands off and got out of her hold.
"You. Class?"

"I'm good. I have early early classes." She said.