Victim Of Love [On-going]

Internal battle

Seth broke down in tears as soon as the water came into contact with his skin. The outbreak of emotion resulted from several emotions he was feeling, but the main one was relief. He was scared, anxious and embarrassed, but mainly, he was just relieved. His body slowly slid down the tiled shower wall and onto the cold surface underneath him as he sobbed, the warmth of the water doing little to stop his body from shaking as he watched the water disappear down the drain. A small part of him still felt like he didn't deserve everything Roman and Dean had done for him, that he didn't deserve to be free of Randy and he was also terrified that he could show up at any moment, angry and looking for revenge.

You can do this. This is a good thing Seth told himself as he held his head in his hands.

No, you can't. They don't care about you, they're just using you like everyone else does.

Seth was fighting and quickly losing battle with his own mind. He was struggling to differentiate between right and wrong, kindness and pity, and it was all becoming too much for him.

''Seth. Is everything alright?''

Seth's body stiffened as he heard Roman's voice. He had been in there for over 20 minutes, in his own little world.

''Uh y-yeah I'm fine'' Seth managed

He slowly stood to his feet on shaky legs; the water running cold as he turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his body. As he opened the bathroom door, a worried-looking Roman greeted him. Seth wouldn't allow himself to tell Roman or Dean how he really felt about them. It would only lead to more heartbreak and he was sick of being the victim, sick of sympathetic looks being thrown his way. He just wanted to feel normal again.

You don't deserve this

You don't deserve Roman

You don't deserve Dean

You don't deserve either of them

There it was again. The voice in the back of Seth's mind that refused to let him be happy for even a moment. The voice that always loved to knock Seth down when he found even the tiniest bit of happiness.

''We'll give you some privacy'' Dean said as he stood up and made his way over to the small kitchen, closely followed by Roman

''I wish I could do more for him'' Roman said quietly. ''He seems so lost''

''I know'' Dean said with a sigh. ''I just can't help but feel like he's shutting us out''

Despite their best efforts to keep their voices down, Seth could hear everything Dean and Roman were saying, and it only made him feel worse about the whole situation. They were right, though; he was shutting them out, but only because he was afraid to trust them. He finished getting changed and laid himself back down on Roman's bed, wincing as his knee throbbed. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally, however sleep seemed to elude him and it didn't help that every time he closed his eyes all that he could see was Randy's face. Dean eventually came back into the room, unsure of what to do as he saw Seth curled up on the bed. He wanted to lie next to him, to comfort him, but what if it freaked him out? Dean sighed and climbed onto the bed anyway, keeping some distance between him and Seth.

Dean looked over at him when Seth turned over. "Still awake?"

''Yeah'' Seth replied. ''I'm so tired but I just can't seem to sleep anymore''

Seth shuffled across the bed and quickly closed the distance between himself and Dean. He desperately wanted to hold on to someone, desperately wanted to be comforted

''Well, if it helps Roman or I will stay with you while you sleep'' Dean suggested as Seth rested his head on Dean's chest

Dean was being careful not to overwhelm Seth, so he let Seth take the lead with any physical contact

''We'll even sleep on the top of the bed if you prefer'' Dean offered

''It's worth a try I guess'' Seth agreed. "Can you...can you mess with my hair like you used to?"

Dean smiled and ran his fingers through Seth's hair. It was something he used to do when they were in The Shield to calm Seth down after a big match.

''Apart from the tiredness, how are you feeling?'' Dean asked

''Alright'' Seth replied. ''My knee is killing me though.''

''Roman's got some painkillers in his bag if you want some'' Dean offered

When Seth didn't answer, Dean carefully placed a finger under his chin, titling his head up to look at him.''What's going on in that head of yours handsome?''

Seth blushed a little as he locked eyes with Dean. ''I just can't help but wonder what I did to deserve what I've been through"

"You didn't do anything" Dean assured "Randy's just an asshole and you can't blame yourself for his behavior"

"It's not the first time it's happened though" Seth argued. "A boyfriend I had in high school was violent towards me too"

Dean sighed "Again. That's not your fault. There's no excuse for domestic violence"

Before Seth could answer, Roman walked into the room

''Fancy some breakfast?'' he asked as he smiled at the scene in front of him. ''I made blueberry pancakes''

''Yeah ok'' Seth nodded as he sat himself up, carefully moving his legs off the bed

Roman watched Seth as he ate. He had heard what sounded like crying coming from inside the bathroom while Seth was showering and his red and puffy eyes only seemed to confirm his suspicions. He hated the thought of Seth suffering in silence, but he also knew that he couldn't push the matter and that Seth would open up to them in his own time.

''These pancakes are great Roman'' Seth said as he looked up at the older man

''Glad you like them'' Roman replied with a smile of his own

Seth quickly finished his breakfast and stood up, gathering the empty plates and taking them over to the sink. Running the tap in preparation to wash them.

''You don't have to do that Seth'' Roman said as he quickly made his way over to him, turning the tap off

Seth's skin felt like it was on fire as Roman took hold of his hand and led him away from the sink. For a moment, the two men just stood there looking at each other, Seth's heart beating rapidly as Roman's steel-grey eyes seemed to stare right into his soul.

''Roman?'' Seth whispered

''Yeah?'' Roman answered

''What if he comes back?''