To Jupiter

Gravity

Dear Jupiter,
Have you ever been drawn to someone so forcefully. And it's not something they said or did. Its not the way they look or how they act, you just can't get them out of your head?
Its like every waking thought you spend thinking of them.
I have so many people I'm just naturally drawn to.
I can't explain them. And it's not even a romantic thing. I just feel peoples gravity. I just feel so pulled to their sides. Like I need them and they need me.
I'm just drawn to them, like plants to light. People like Pluto and Mercury and Thebe and Jupiter and the sun and Earth. Fortunately for me Earth actually discovered The Sun. She pointed the new girl out, and wouldn't you know now we are close friends.
I'm not the only one who felt her pull, that's why she's the sun. She was destined to pull us all together, I believe. She attracts attention and everyone wants to know her, including you. Thats why you had our shared friend Castillo invite her to smoke with you guys right? At first she was worried I would be mad, but you are a good guy, and a good lesson to learn, so I was okay with it.
Thebe was even worried I was jealous when I told her, she was scared I was just playing it off so the sun would like me, but when she realized I wasn't we smoked a victory cigarette because we thought I was letting go. But now it turns out I wasn't, I just adore Jupiter and The Sun to much to mind. Besides, the sun is attracted to fire, she's in flames. She's like all the mysteries of the universe and i hope I get to uncover them before anyone else.
Thebe knew that, she trusted me, she believed in me.
Oh Thebe, I used to live with her on weekends to escape my family. But you know that. You were there when I had to leave home as a fourteen year old to escape abuse.
You wanted me at your house, that would have been amazing, but I knew it wouldn't work out like that. So I didn't, and for that I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry the pull of gravity wasn't strong enough to keep you with me, that I wasn't the one you were drawn to.
I'm sorry I wasted time with you talking about things that mean nothing. That have no real meaning, I wish I would have talked about things that you would remember. I wish I would have taken you Stargazing more often.
I wish I could have laid my head on your chest and looked up at you as you watched the stars.
But now these little worthless memories are all I have of you.
I wish I would have felt with you a little longer, maybe I could have made you stay.
But deep down I know I couldn't, no one can make you do anything. You always told me that.
Remember when you asked me what it was like to change? You watched me go from someone who was constantly negative to everyone including herself to someone who loves everybody.
You asked me that one night, and I told you the truth.
Its hard, it hurts. All your instincts point you to do what hides your shame. For me that was arguing constantly. I never wanted people to know that I was hurting so I would start arguments when feelings came up.
You chose anger. Anger and spite. Anytime you were sad I could tell because you would be extra rude that day.
So you asked me to help you change, and I agreed I was over joyed you wanted to be better.
I did warn you though, the only person who could change you is you.
And you ended up faltering, like you did in everything Jupiter.
Not because you are weak, but because you are afraid, more afraid than me when I'm asked about the voids in space. More afraid than a star when faced with a black hole.
And I'm so sorry, dearest Jupiter, that I didn't see that sooner.
Sincerely,
Saturn.