July 24, 2016.
Four days after the incident.
Lauren sat on the couch in the family room facing the wall staring blankly at the molded up paint, lost for words. What she had witnessed, what was confessed was more then unforgettable in Lauren's mind. The ordeal of the most grievous kind. The struggle of just knowing the poor choices Y/n had made were antagonizing her.
The insides of the brunettes head were screaming, crying out for help. But she knew no one would show, no one would care too realize that she was in bashful pain. They'd be too busy worrying about the other Latina she use too have relations with, making sure she was okay, that she'll heal correctly.
But not her.
Lauren believed that she could handle thing by herself even grieve if she needed too but deep down, she was murdering the inside of her torn soul that was filled with black and her thoughts that were being destroyed by her own fear.
A fear of being in love.
Every time Lauren heard the word 'love' she'd cringe. She'd cringed because she doesn't know what its like too be loved or too be cared for. She thought of love as gambling, you played too gain or you play to lose it all and sadly for Lauren every time she'd gamble her heart, she'd lose it all.
She's only loved once which was with her family. She felt the honor and loyalty of owning the last name 'Jauregui', something she'd always be cocky and prideful about, knowing her family wouldn't abandon her like others have. Everyone else she had relations with romantically only set sail too the bottom of the ocean and plummeted on a different direction with someone else. And every last one only poisoned her become as cold and ruthless as she is now.
Her management wanted her like that though, harden and stiffened so she'd become the outlasher of the group. Someone who'd be willing too stand up for the group if no one else was. But it only reckoned Lauren too play the part as well. If she lost character paparazzi will have headlines of magazines as 'Is Lauren Jauregui really as tough we think she is? Or is she just a phony pretending too be something she isn't?'
Deep down Lauren knew she wasn't as bad she may come off too be, that their may still be a soft spot down below all the torn pieces for the right one. The one she'd open up too completely about herself and her thoughts she couldn't share with anyone because she thought they were silly.
The only thing that consumed Lauren was her thought of who she wanted it too be, who she thought it may be.
Y/n
Lauren knew the obvious, that stars and accompany old friends would come along in Y/n's life and she'd most likely be pushed afar from it all as tour went on. That their was more of an physical attraction then a emotional one going on between them. That Camila and Y/n's relations were more emotional than physical but could be easily switched up very quickly and she knew that.
Lauren wanted that. To be able too tell Y/n anything and everything about how she was feeling, when shes sad or frightened with something or when shes overly excited about something she found out about The 1975's or anything that may be foolish too be excited about.
Lauren furrowed her thick eyebrows in deep thought knowing what Y/n had did was heart breaking for her, but the others girl would never know, not but looking or watching the way she acted because she acted the same as before.
Careless.
"Hey Lo." The anonymous voice softly calls. Lauren's eyes slowly glance at the door and then back to the wall not showing any expression on her face. The petite girl frowns when Lauren doesn't show any interest of happiness or joy too see her. She walks towards the couch and pouches down on the seat right beside her, wrapping her arm around the brunette shoulder as she studied Lauren's structure. Lauren tenses up aside from her at the touch, closing her eyes as she tries to battle the tears away swelling up in her eyes of overwhelming feelings, she takes a deep breath while doing so. She doesn't want too show any sides of weakness that could be held against so she holds it all in.
"Lauren.." Ally says sympathetically understanding what may going on in her head. She beings to rub the younger girls back supportingly before speaking. "I understand what's going on with you." She tells Lauren, looking at her intently as tears of her own start to swell up in her eyes just by looking into Lauren's brokenness. "And i know it hurts but." Ally looks up mentally cursing herself out for breaking down in front of the green eyed girl.
Lauren head hangs low as she waits for Ally too continue, her visions becoming desperately blurry as the tears dare too spill. "But pretending nothing is wrong and holding it all in is only going too kill you." A tear slips from Ally's eyes racing down her cheek and falling into Lauren's lap, letting the brunette know Ally was crying. "And we don't want that. I don't want that." This only makes Lauren's heart ache some more knowing someone was crying for her and not because of her.
And then she breaks.
Collapsing into Ally's lap as she cries desperately in her hands. Ally's heart swarms with agony pain as she holds Lauren in her arms and watches her cry her eyes out. Ally mumbling 'shh's' under her breath as she rubbed the brunettes arms trying too sooth her. The blonde headed girl looking over at Lauren's wounded face as short sobs escape her lips. Ally swallows the lump in her throat and runs her hand threw Lauren silky brown hair.
"Pretending to be okay is going to kill you quicker then you think before you'll ever have the chance too say goodbye. Don't do it Lo." Lauren face only scrunches out more as she starts too cry harder and louder then before. Ally shakes her head in destruct and pulls the younger into her chest holding her closely.
She tilts her head towards Lauren's ear and whispers. "It's okay not too be okay."
Lauren slowly starts too calm down at her words and lays in Ally's arm comfortably before looking up at her with big eyes. "Is it?" Lauren asks biting her lip. ally instantly nods her head. "It's okay not to be okay." She repeats. Lauren nods and sniffles as she lets the words register in her brain. Her eye lids slowly starts too become too heavy for her keep open and she shuts her eyes as she hears ally muffle.
"Her heart will never set sail as long as her soul is made of black and all her thoughts are destroyed."
Lauren furrows her eyebrows not knowing the meaning and falls into a deep sleep.
YOU ARE READING
If I Stay (Lauren/Camila/You)
Fanfiction"Her heart will never set sail as long as her soul is made of black and her thoughts are destroyed."
