Searching For Love

Chapter 36

Will dropped me off at my house that night at nine o'clock at night. After the Ferris wheel we had gone on a ton of more rides, and it was probably the best day I had had in awhile. I kissed Will, and then got out of his car. I unlocked the front door and walked into my house. I put down my bag and casually walked into the living room. My entire family sat there, looking tense.

My happy demeanour instantly disappeared. "What is it? What's wrong?"

No one said anything, and I took a seat. My mother wouldn't look at me, and my father seemed a bit sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked again, now starting to worry.

My father took a deep breath. "We're going back to the magic world."

I felt my heart drop to the floor. My vision actually went black for second, and I felt myself go numb. I couldn't breathe. His words kept repeating over and over in my head like a broken record.

"Wh -- what?" I stuttered, feeling breathless.

"We're going back in three days." My father repeated, looking saddened. "I'm so so sorry, Tessa."

I couldn't breathe again. Three days. Only three days. I felt myself stand up, feeling wobbly on my feet. No. No, this wasn't happening. I always knew that it would, but now that it had it didn't seem real. I felt tears start to slide from eyes, but I couldn't feel them.

"Tessie." My mother stood up. "We're so sorry."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't make any words leave my mouth. I felt myself moving towards the stairs and into my room. I numbly sat down on my bed, still not feeling anything, and I realized that I couldn't give up my powers for Will. Now that it was actually happening, I knew that I wouldn't be able to. I couldn't leave my family and Jem. I couldn't.

I could never be with the boy I loved so much. We would never get married or grow old together. I would never see his face on our children. Will was it for me, I knew. I would never find anyone else to love. Why was the world so unfair? I started to get feeling back in my body, and I suddenly felt so much anger.

I stood up and threw my pile of books across the room, sobbing. No. No. This wasn't happening. I threw my phone against the wall, not caring if it broke. Hell, I hoped it broke. After my anger was all out, I felt the raw agony all over again. I was never going to be with Will. He was going to move on with his life and find someone else to love, while I sat there and watched.

He was going to get married to someone else, have kids with someone else, grow old with someone else. I sobbed loudly, my body violently shaking. I heard my mother call my name but I ignored her. I wanted to be alone. I felt as if there was a huge hole in me, and all I felt was hopelessness. I didn't want to live if I couldn't be with Will. I couldn't live my life knowing that I couldn't be by his side.

I heard myself say a spell, and I felt myself drag my finger along my wrist, dark red blood seeping out of the cut. I didn't feel it. All I felt was the emptiness inside of me. I did it again, and more blood came out. I started cutting my wrist more, blood running down my arm and onto the carpet. I started to feel dizzy but kept going. I didn't care how much I bled.

I soon felt my eyes start to close, and I fell to the ground, hearing my mother call my name just before I blacked out.

* * *
I woke up to muffled voices. My eyelids felt glued together and I had to blink a few times to open them fully. When my eyes finally adjusted, I looked around. I was in a hospital bed, I realized. Cecily, Isabelle, Jace, Simon, Gabriel, Alec, Magnus, Clary, and Will were all in my room. Everyone looked worried out of their minds, but Will looked the worst.

I remembered why I was here, and then I felt numb again. I was leaving.

"Tessa!" Will exclaimed. "Holy shit, you're okay. Oh my god, I was so worried, I thought you were going to die."

"Your mother said that you were cutting yourself, and you fainted." Cecily whispered, looking worried. "Why were you, Tessa?"

I looked down at my wrist. There was a big bandage wrapped around it. I looked up at Will who looked as if he were going to die from seeing me like this. My heart cracked again knowing I would have to leave him. I quickly averted my eyes, and took a deep breath.

"I--" I was cut off by the door opening.

My mother, father, and Nate rushed in. My mother had tears streaming down her face.

"Oh Tessie," My mother spoke, crying harder. "You're okay. God, we were all so worried."

"We're so sorry, Tessa." My father said sadly.

"Sorry about what?" Will echoed.

I felt tears well in my eyes again, and I refused to look at him. It was too painful.

"Mom, dad, Nate, could you give us a few minutes?" I whispered.

They all quickly nodded their heads, and walked out of the room.

"What is it, Tessa?" Clary whispered. "What's wrong?"

I looked around at all of them. Everyone wore a sad and concerned expression.

I then took a deep breath. "I'm leaving."