Searching For Love

Chapter 37

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Isabelle echoed.

"My father is working in New York now, and we have to move back." A tear fell from my right eye.

"When?" Jace asked, looking surprised.

"I'm leaving in three days." I whispered sadly.

"Three days?!" Clary exclaimed, tears in her eyes. "No, you can't go, Tessa."

I felt tears start to steam down my face. I couldn't bring myself to look at Will. I wouldn't be able to bare the sadness on his face. Everyone was silent for a few moments.

"That's why I'm here." I sniffled. "I cut myself because I can't stand the thought of being away from you all."

"You can't go, Tessa." Cecily said, a tear sliding down her cheek. "We'll miss you too much."

I looked at everyone at my eyes stopped at Jace. He was looking Will's direction, looking the most upset I had ever seen. I then made myself look at Will, and wished that I hadn't. He looked dead. Absolutely crushed. There were tears in his eyes and he looked as if he were going to faint any second. He was staring at me, looking numb. I quickly tore my eyes off him.

"I don't want to leave you guys, but I have to." I cried.

Cecily walked over and put her arms around me, and then Clary and Isabelle did the same thing. After a few minutes they both let me go. Then everyone left the room and left Will and I alone. The door closed behind them and then I forced myself to look at him again. This time there were tears sliding down his cheeks. We didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"You're leaving me." His voice cracked.

"Will, I'm so sorry. I -- I can't leave my family. I just can't." I whispered, crying.

"I don't expect you to, I just--" He broke off. "I just thought we'd have more time, you know?"

"I know." I said quietly.

"Fucking hell, what am I going to do? I can't be without you." Will said another tear sliding down his cheek.

I couldn't say anything. I only started to sob loudly, and Will came over and sat beside me, and held me. I shook violently in his arms, and he held me tightly.

"I hate this world." I sobbed. "I fucking hate it."

Will only held me, and didn't say anything, though I felt a teardrop fall on my head. We must have sat there for hours, with him holding me as I cried. Finally, I stopped crying and I felt dizzy. I fell asleep in his arms not too long after that.

* * *
When I woke up the next morning, Will was gone. I blinked a few times and looked around. Cecily was sitting in the chair beside my bed, holding a cup of coffee. She was wearing tight blue jeans and a grey hoodie. This was the most casual I had ever seen her dress. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and she held out the cup to me.

"I brought you coffee." She said.

I took it from her, and took a sip of it.

"Everyone else is on their way here." She continued. "Your parents are at home. They left about an hour ago."

"Do you know when I'm getting out of here?" I asked weakly.

"Some point today." Cecily replied.

We were both silent for a few seconds.

"I wanted to thank you." She started.

"For what?" I asked.

"For saving my brother." Cecily said. "After Ella -- Will was broken. Absolutely broken. He started going out almost every night and would come drunk. Then you came, and it was like you flipped the switch. He started to feel again, and I had never seen him act the way he does around you, in a long time. You saved him, Tessa, and I'm so grateful to you."

I was touched by her words and my eyes filled with tears. "Thank you, Cecy. I'm going to miss you so much."

Her eyes were filled with tears, too. "I will, too. You're like my sister."

She hugged me, and I hugged her tightly. We pulled away a few seconds later, and then everyone else walked into my room. Clary held a bouquet of flowers.

"Oh Clary, you didn't have to do that." I said as she set the flowers down on my bedside table.

"I wanted to." She smiled sadly.

My eyes found Will, and my eyes welled with tears again. He looked horrible. There were dark bags under his eyes and he looked pale and sick. I quickly averted my eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Isabelle asked softly.

"Shitty." I smiled slightly. "But a bit better."

"That's good then, I guess." Isabelle chuckled lightly.

We all spoke for awhile, and Jace actually managed to make me smile. Will didn't say a word, only zoning out. When everyone decided to leave, he stayed. We were left in silence again, just like yesterday, and for once I didn't know what to say to him.

"How are you?" I asked him softly.

He smiled despite himself. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

I chuckled lightly. "I guess so."

"How are you?" Will asked quietly.

I sighed. "Horrible."

"Me too." He whispered. "God, why did this have to happen?"

"I don't know." I spoke numbly. "Maybe -- maybe we're just not meant to be together."

"Maybe not." Will said dryly. "Sometimes the best people aren't meant to be together. Maybe that's us."

It was true. I had seen it happen many times during my lifetime - two people who loved each other but couldn't be together. I had always vowed to never be one of those people and look where I was now. But he was right. We weren't meant to be together. We never were.

"Maybe it is."