#JustWriteIt #TrueStory Thru my eyes into my mind

I love you but I hate you, I hate you but I love you

I wanna people to try something. Before you jugde someone, put yourself in that persons shoes. Try to understand the person you are about to judge. What do he or she see? What do he or she things? I am like that. I wanna try to understand how it would feel if I were the one being judged.

Judge someone with not knowing anything will not make you any better. If I could take a guess, it will feel great at the moment but that feeling will leave you eventually. So instead of making someone else suffer, make yourself better. Ask for help if you need it. It is never to later to ask for help.

But what would I know? I can tell you that I have been pick on becuase of my voice, my eyes and rumors, that were not even true. I did not know that peolpe meant it was funny or weird or something like that. I was only just a kid when that happen, but looking back on it I know what they really meant. I has affected me, when I did not take offense of it than. The past can hunt you into your future, and affected it as well. 

What has changed? When I was little I was very outgoing, were not afraid of anything or anyone. I was happy and curious. Now I like to spend more time with my books and computer in my room. I am still curious, but instead of discover it myself I just read and watch series and movies and get  my thoughts from there. Many people say that I can be big someday, but if I do not believe that myself then what does it matter. There is a different between people belive in you and you believing yourself. When people believe in you they are convinced that you will some how be big, just by knowing you. When you believe in yourself you really believe that you can do it, even when there are people doudting you.

What is wrong with me is that I do not believe in myself and even hate myself, but there is apart that I love as well. But that loving part is not strong enoff, compared with the hate part. Will I ever love myself again can I not answer right now, but I can answer this question. Do I want to love myself again? My answer is no, but people are making me and me for that matter, that loving apart that i meantioned. Why I think so is that I know that I can some how change the world or maybe be big someday, but I am born in the wrong time or I am born in the wrong body. That is my thoughts and those are the truth, but people around me do not know that I do not wanna love myself again, so feel speciel. Why I had not said anything are because that of two reasons. The first one is that they do not understand how I feel, or they do not understand me at all but I do not understand myself either so can not really blame them. Reason number two they can not tolerate the truth. Am I a awful person? Yes, I am and I already know that, but it is not my fault but the truth is that it is. There is not someone else you can blame then yourself, that is what my father always say to me when I have done something. So when it is coming to get to know other people, I rather in my dark corner.  These are the reason. How can I make someone love me, when I even love me. Because of my bad behavior I want to end the connection between me and those friends I still have left, and that part is kind of easy. If you did not think that I was an awful person, what do you think now? So what are your thought about yourself? Have you ever thought about that?