Disconnected

Chapter Four - A Night At Phil Lester's

Dan's pov

Phil invited me over for the night since my father murmured my mother and sister; he did this after he made Louise call the cops and apologize for what she said to me. Can my life get ANY worse! I wondered.

"I'm really sorry about what happened today," Phil finally said something, "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but... what does your father do to you?"

"I'd rather not say," I started, "Where's the washroom?" He pointed down the hall to a blue coloured door. "Thank you," I say looking at the floor to avoid humiliation of what I'm about to do. I reluctantly amber towards the door, open it gradually, take a step in, and lock it behind me.

I take out a sharp pocket knife from my pocket, it was Phil's. He had it laying on his dresser so when he wasn't looking, I shoved it into my pocket. I position the knife on my wrist driving it across, a stinging pain comes with it. "Eehre," Is the noise I make when cutting a few more times with much more force. Blood descends down my weakened arm. Numbness over comes me, I felt a little dizzy. As I said to Phil and Louise, I was done. When I said I was done, I'm meant this is it, I'm going to be gond, forever.

"Dan, you okay in there?" Phil's husky voice echos in my ears. I don't reply, I can't. I continue to abuse my own skin.

'You're worthless!' They'd say.
'Do us all a favor and kill yourself!' They'd say.
'Nobody cares, nobody will!' They'd say.

They'd punch me until I bleed, they'd push me into frigid lakes and mud, they'd drag knifes through my skin, they'd smash any bottle they had over me whether it'd be full or not, they'd threaten you, they'd abandone you, they'd ignore you. Believe it or not, this was hardly the beginning of it all.

Warm, salty tears trickle down my cheek and cascade swiftly from my chin to my arm. The storm of regrets and pain get stronger, the wind becomes more powerful, the waves become higher, and the sand pulled me in more and more. I needed to end, I'm a time bomb that's bound to explode at any given time. That time was about to come.

"Dan!!" Phil's concerned voice thundered in the storm for the fifth time. He pounded against the door repeatedly. "Let me in, you're worrying me! Answer me!!!" Luckily Phil parents weren't home so they couldn't save me. I don't want to be saved!!! I lied to myself once more.

Phil thrusted all his weight to the door several times before breaking the hatch. He saw Dan's rich, glossy blood stand out against his beautiful pale skin. "Dan," he whispered. Even more tears filling up in Dan's eyes creating less of a rain storm and more of a hurricane.

"Help me," I faintly let out a whimper. Phil lurches himself toward me. He takes the knife from me, gets a rag. He cleans up the mess I made why I quietly cry of sadness and fear. Fear of everything. Fear of life. Fear of Phil. Fear of his own feelings. Once Phil cleans everything up, he gets many band-aids out. Each one has an animal on it. The first on is a lion, the second is a Llama, the next a fox, the next a bear. The final two are doves. <3

"Come on, Dan. Let's get to my room." Phil insists. He brings me to his cozy room and let's me sit on his bed. I sit there crying lightly while he holds me in a tight hug. I hardly know him but I do know he is caring, compationite, beautiful, and perfect. I don't want to admit it but I think I love Phil... after being betrayed and hurt for so long I feel safe with him. I can pour my feelings out to him without him judging me harshly. After I pushed him away, he kept coming back.

Phil pulls out of the hug, I immediately feel abandoned. I can't help it but to feel even more upset without his warmth. I hug a pillow and cradle it like a baby. Like the gif above.