Heart Key (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 38: Why

Song: Why

By: Rascal Flatts

He died two days after my visit. He went in a coma the night I left and gave out like that. He couldn't say anything to his Aunt or cousins when they came to see him. They had no comfort of getting to say things to one another before he left. It just shows you how precious life really is. One minute, your story is one of love, and the next, it's one of painful loss.

Of course, that's always been my story. I can't seem to escape that truth and neither can anyone else who seems to be stuck with the same fate I am. I sit in a black dress now, my hair done up in a tight bun and sharp, black shoes rubbing the sides of my feet. 

His coffin is simple and open for us all to see him. Some say he looks so peaceful, but I can see the marks. I can see the bruises and scratches beneath the clothes and makeup they've used to hide what happened. I can tell Grandma Cream can too as she shakes her head when she comes to the coffin. 

She stops at his face and although her back is turned to me, I can just imagine the tears forming in her eyes as she reaches in to stroke the only connection she had left to one of her children. I feel my heart clench for her as she turns back, facing towards me, before putting a brave face on and straightening her back as she walks to her seat. 

Chris sits on my right and Chloe to my left, each of them gripping one of my hands tightly, as if holding on to me will stop me from falling deeper into the pain that has already numbed by body. I glance between the two of them, each showing grief in their own special way. Silent tears roll down Chloe's cheeks while she looks down in attempt to hide it, while Chris stares straight ahead, silent but with eyes full of pain. Chris never has been good at funerals, and after his parents died each one just became another painful reminder. 

I suck in a deep breath, catching glances from Chloe and Chris as I let it out and slump back in my seat and close my eyes. I can feel people watching me but at the moment I could care less. I hadn't slept well since he'd died. My dreams are filled with motorcycle crashes, hospital beds, and Blake.

I can't go one minute without seeing something that reminds me of him. Whether it be his smile, his eyes, how he used to hold me, it all brings that crushing realization that he's gone plummeting back down on me. Sometimes I just wonder how my heart will manage. 

The service had been short, words from the preacher, a slideshow of Blake, his family, and occasionally me. The slideshow was one of the crueler parts, showing us over and over what had been taken from us brutally. It's like funerals are just a trap to increase your grief for the one you've had to watch leave the world already.

We go to the burial next. Most of his family is there, and I stand alone as the girlfriend. Not related, not married, but the one who had just felt and threw away the love Blake had shared. I watch as the family takes handfuls of dirt to throw over the casket after it had been lowered in. At the end Grandma Cream looks at me expectantly and I hesitantly walk forward and throw a handful of dirt myself. 

I step back and we pray before the ceremony is over and it's time to leave. I start to walk away, knowing I'll have to walk home when Granny Cream stops me. She pulls me into a hug before motioning me towards her car. "I'll give you a ride." She tells me softly and I attempt words of thanks, but they get caught in the grief building in my chest and I can only nod as I turn to follow her. 

I slide into her older car as she gets in the other side. We don't talk as she drives, both lost in our thoughts of Blake and what he meant to us and others. I may not have known him as long or as well as others, but he was the one who pulled me from my hatred of love. He helped me rebuild myself and I could never thank him enough for that. I could never thank him enough for loving me so much. 

------------------------------------------------

She pulls up to my house, Chloe's truck is already parked out front and I can tell that her and Chris are waiting for me inside. I turn to give one last smile to Grandma Cream, but she stops me as she reaches into the floorboard of her back seat to pull out a gift box and letter. 

The letter has my name written in a crude, boyish handwriting that has a small smile on my face in an instant. It's Blake's signature. I look up at Grandma Cream and she smiles kindly as she hands them to me. "He said not to open them until you leave this summer. He wanted you have this to remember him by." She tells me softly and I nod, a tear trickling out of the corner of my eye as I look at them.

I look back up at Granny Cream and we each offer one another a smile before hugging each other tightly. "N-Now just b-because you're going off t-to some fancy school doesn't m-mean you shouldn't v-visit." She tells me and I nod with a smile. 

"I will." I tell her and a small spark of happiness comes into her eyes. "Thank you. You and Blake were the reason that ice cream shop isn't closed down. I always knew that if I kept it open long enough, you two would come together." She tells me softly as tears fall from her eyes slowly. I nod as I pull her into one last hug and climb from the car. 

I watch her pull away and drive out of sight before looking back down at the gift and letter. I've never wanted summer to come so badly before.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The last chapter is the Epilogue and I just want to say that this book has been a great experience writing. I know I'm not the best writer but every time I create a new book a piece of me goes with it and I have to say, this book has taken a lot of tears of mine. I never have liked reading endings and I've come to realize that I hate writing them too. I'll do another author's note at the very end but I want to thank everyone who's stayed with me so far through this. I know it's not perfect and I've been flaky, but you guys are the reason I do this so just thank you so much for giving this story a chance and sticking with it. I'll see y'all in the Epilogue!