I have to be a soldier, a bitch, a heartless robot. Because that is all the world wants me to be. To listen to yourself and be connected to your emotions is something they try and scrape out of you in your teenage years. Because emotions should be seen as hassles and be ignored. To be a fortress, it doesn't matter how hard you try, if you are upset as a teenager they tell you there is nothing wrong with you and that you should grow up. And be what? They want you to learn to ignore emotional troubles like they do, don't not express anything because it is a hassle to yourself and others. Never listen to yourself. You cornered, pressured, upset decide that to survive you must leave behind your soul, who smiled and felt and thought like no other, your child. You try to protect it just outside your walls pleading with it to wait for you till you finally get to the other side, you weep and cry for the you you left behind, morning it. The one that felt, the soul, the heart, where otherwise you are a empty body, ready to not care, to ignore, to be a robot. But when you get to the other side, your soul is long gone, wasted away to ash. You have lost your soul and you feel nothing because you know now what is right, that that is the path for all humans to turn into robots. You will forever be a heartless solider, a mere pawn, your smiles are fake, you can't hold a friendship and barely a relationship, just make sure they are as heartless as you. If they felt emotions it would be a hassle, they would break and scream and cry, like a human being. A heart shouldn't survive in society. Friends are fake, wishing to stay away from each other because their lives and dramas are fucking with your efficiency. There will never be a time when you commit to another person be in sinc with them because you will never put others before yourself even in their time of need, even to relax. There are things to do the clock is ticking. wasting hours, minutes, seconds, time.
I cry the loss of myself like a family member or friend or soulmate. Because i know I will never be me again. So can someone please hang on. Can they hang onto my soul, while I am gone. Pull me though, bring me back. That is really all I want. Someone to hang onto my person. Because I have somewhere I need to go, I can't take my soul with me but can you wait with it until I come back.
