Love Me Day Or Night - Book 2 -

The Hickey

~~ The Hickey ~~

I stared at the sky, which now looked pink. Pink, with a tint of blue, purple, yellow and orange, the Sun was behind the clouds, playing hide and seek with the birds which tried to follow it relentlessly. Life was a majestic labyrinth. I was amused by it at the moment, or should I say, always was.

Weird, when I thought about it, and touched my neck. The pendent still hung down with the sleek silver chain, which glistened at night. At night, when the sky was the darkest blue you could ever imagine, with the moon as the spotlight and the stars as the reincarnation of each distant memory of the past... It looked beautiful.

Dusk though, was symbolic. It took you back to the day, and whatever you had done throughout. In our busy lives, we usually miss out on these wonders of the nature. Sometimes, just staring at them helped a person to clear out their head, and think. Simply think. About every occurrence in life, every moment spent in the day, the things you repent, the things you thought of. Life was like that.

Right now, looking inside my room, I thought maybe I could just see though my wardrobe once. Smoothly, and steadily, I saved myself from tripping at the door.

That would have been embarrassing. Even though I lived alone now.

Real smooth of you Mellisa, I rolled my eyes at myself.

Opening the wardrobe, I went through my clothes, shuffling them. Hmm, there were a lot of things that didn't fit now, and had to got to be gotten rid off. I guess my thinking grammar just sucked there, didn't it?

Not that I was good at English.

My eyes got stuck at one particular thing, which he loved more than I did. Well, of course that black laces corset that I owned. I had worn it once, the night I had received my first hickey. We used to call it, the hickey - me and him. It was our little joke. Our little...

I trailed off, as that evening rushed into my mind.

We'd been in a party. It was our college party, the last one actually. We were going to move in together. It was too early for us to get married, but we wanted to. My family wasn't even around, and they didn't mind. They minded - alright - but we talked them through. His family, they just wanted him out of the house anyway, but they loved their son. As long as he was out of the house. I never understood what they meant, but that was it.

"I'm wearing it under," I had whispered to him, as he sipped on the drink, making him almost choke it. We were yet to do the deed. We wanted to wait, to savor it. Our first time. I was totally naïve, and he had some idea. The 'some' being just kissing. So... it was something just for us. We'd kissed, but that was about it.

The innuendos though, were enough to heat myself up. He knew what I was talking about, and the moment I had said it, he'd taken me to the corner and kissed me. Hard.

"That wasn't wise for you to say." He whispered near my mouth, and kissing my neck. Once. That prick of a guy was torturous.

We'd come back home; He'd dragged me here. And surely and soon, the black dress I was wearing was going to come loose. Like the predator stalks his prey stealthily, he moved towards me with a sexy smirk on his face... and he loosed his tie throwing it away in the side of the bed. I was sitting there, breathing heavily, still and eerily so. He didn't make a single sound, as if he was pawing towards me, like the lion does before its hunt.

My breathing was labored, and he dipped beside me, almost as if the lion pounced. I had no words, as I tried very little to push him away, it was more like, I fell on the bed, my legs still dangling by the end, and he was on top of me. I was the prey, he was my predator. A sexy one indeed. I pulled him closer, and moaned out a bit as his lips, instead of being against mine went to my neck.

He followed a rhythm, kissing the soft place, biting it softly, and licking it soothing the pain, making me moan again. He looked away, and then at the place he'd done that. Kaine leaned down again and had whispered, "You have my mark now."

Mark? I had realized then, he'd left me with a hickey. My first hickey had went very well!

Then, I'd leaned up and kissed him, "I want you. Today. Now."

I had never known how I had gathered up the courage that night. I'll never know how I got the courage even today, as I felt tears rolling down my cheek and falling on the corset which I was hugging close to myself now, sobbing into it. I was sitting on the same bed with the same memories.

I never knew how I could've been so bold that night, and how I could have been so bold that day. The day, when I had walked to the doctor, and he had sighed in front of the operation theatre and had shaken his head in negative.

I never knew, how I had not shed a single tear, and I had walked into the deserted operation theater, and held his cold hand and whispered that I loved him, and I would love him forever. He hadn't moved, he hadn't repeated the lines, or said that he would love me for eternity. He just lay there on the bed, with his eyes closed, and his numb hand in my warm ones.

Like every night, since we'd found out he had Cancer, I whispered my day to him, and hummed a lullaby. I'd patted his hand, and kissed his forehead, like every night I'd spent with him the one year I knew he was going to go away in some time.

It had been two years after college, we had been living together. We had family planning going on, and before that we wanted to get married. That was when we found out that he had cancer. How?

Well, does anyone ever answer how? The doctors even did not know the answer to that. I'd sat there eerily silent when he broke the news, and then whispered to him that that couldn't be correct. How could Kaine be dying? How could he leave me behind when we had promised eternity? He couldn't just do that to me!

Since then, every night we had the same routine. Even before the chemo therapies. I whispered him how much I loved him, sung him a lullaby. And he would always say the words back, and hum with me, playing with my hair. He liked it long, I kept it long.

It was long even today.

I had asked from him, one thing. I wanted to have our baby, as cliché as that sounded. I would be lying if I would have said that we didn't try. But in the end, I couldn't conceive. He was becoming weaker, and I didn't force him into that again. Each day, each passing day, looking at him weaken broke me down. But I didn't cry. When he started crying though, there was no stopping me.

He didn't want to leave me behind. He never did.

Death wasn't in his hands though, was it? I wasn't at fault for his situation, he wasn't at fault, the doctor wasn't at fault, and then who did we have to blame? We did not have anyone to blame, and that was the biggest problem. People like it when we have someone to blame, thus when we have no one to do so, we blame God, we blame Destiny, and we blame Fate.

I did not blame anyone. I opened my arms, and accepted Kaine. Simple.

I wish he could have had given me our baby to keep. He was gone... taking a huge chunk of me away with him. I was young, but that did not mean I could be anyone else's.

I held the corset closer to myself, and wept. I cocooned myself in the bed we had slept on every night and wept. I let my warmth leave me, along with the dusk and let myself mourn for my love. Not my lost love, but the still silence that he'd left in this apartment and within me. I cried... but the pain never seemed to lessen down, it intensified each time, I took out the shirt he'd worn when I'd worn the corset, cocooned along with it on the bed again, and let my tears free, letting them take me back to the memory of the hickey.

***************

Some people have it hard.
Love,
Dee.