She's Not Worthy

DEAL WITH IT

Three years later, I was head historian for Columbia University in their education division. Working as an online instructor really has been a shoo-in for me; because I got to continue working in the field that intrigued me. My days were always flexible and being able to work two jobs from home is time well spent. Instead of renting an office space, I had converted the shed in my backyard into my new office. It was fairly reasonable in price and the size really suited my needs. My second job consisted of providing research about people's heritage; it is worth more than any university can ever pay me. Work was going well and in seven years I plan to relocate and expand into the mid-west states with my services. I am very excited about my future and I don't see any room for slowing down; except that it is spring break and most of the students are gone.

Heavy walking through the house was all I heard after the door slammed; immediately I could tell that there was a problem. I didn't say anything at first; I just did what any decent person should do which is keep quiet until spoken to. I listened to him rant and rave on about how stupid she was and then he started abusing my home and the property in it.

"Whoa, what is your problem Sean?"

I looked at him crossed and all I wanted to do was slap him.

"Mom, I try with her... really I do. That girl is never satisfied. I go to college, work full-time, and I help take care of our child. What more must I do? I hate her!"

I stood there with my mouth open, but my mind was going seventy revolutions per minute. The thoughts that ran across it had me gloating inside, but I knew that I should not utter those words. As the old saying goes, 'what is in you will come out of you' well let's just say that it did but in a non-verbal way. I was at a proud moment in my life of 'I told you so' and it was glowing like the sun.

"Son slow down; what happened?"

"That bitch really is going to catch it one day. I mean really catch it. I just want to hit her... POW, right in the kisser and hopefully it will shake some things up in her."

I chuckled inside from that remark. If he only knew how many times I have already knocked that girl on her ass in my mind.

"So you two had a falling out" I said shaking my head and clearing my mind of those insidious thoughts.

"Mom, I don't like that girl and to let the truth be known; if it weren't for the baby, I would not be around."

Oh joy of joy my inner thoughts danced. I was looking right at him, although I saw myself skipping and smiling with a hand full of flowers. I knew that I should not have had those feelings, but I couldn't help myself. I tried to keep my comments to myself and just be a good listener, but it was tough trying to hide it all inside. Then it happened, the unspeakable truth escaped me.

"What is it that you want from me? I told you to leave that girl alone when I first met her. I saw the hell in her just by looking at her. One of these days, maybe just maybe you will actually realize that your mother know some things."

"Nothing" he said and then began all over again venting but this time on a different subject about her.

As his mother, I am being supportive and listening to him, but I couldn't let it go, oh no - not there. I continued to flip off at the lips letting him know of my disapproval; I spoke out against everything that made my hair stand on ends.

"Sean, I have taught you and your sister that in a relationship not every moment will be a sunny day and that you have to learn to love beyond the surface. Keep that in mind before you make any decisions."