She's Not Worthy

My, My, My

We were well on our way driving on the freeway going to my daughter's house. I could tell that Wendy was still agitated with everything. Honestly, I was too. If someone would have touched me or said something wrong, I am sure that the kingdom would have come sooner than later for them. I had to fix myself up and know that the situation was a phase that I went through. Funky folks always are hurting and they are messy with everything. I did not want to become that person, so I made it up in my mind to get it together. I had some real issues with myself and I found that out the day I killed my husband. More and more of the murky side came slithering out as I replayed my husband pleasuring another woman. Just picturing her enjoying what was rightfully mine made me gnash my teeth and grip the steering wheel. The anger within me was getting the best of me. I never knew I had that within me; I was hungry for their death and it showed up. What happened next scared the shit out of me. I detonated like a bomb out of nowhere.

"Stop It! Go Away!"

I pulled over and slammed on the brakes; covering my eyes and hanging my head low, I mumbled a prayer.

Free me oh Lord... please help me

Father God my soul is crying for you.

Help Me!

I sat there with tears in my eyes and I could feel Ro' and Wendy staring at me. Wendy took him in her arms and kept him quiet while I went through my spell of guilt. I was not myself and it was displayed that moment. I was living in a moment of pain; the strong inner feeling was a pure presence of my misfortune as painfully as it was. I started chanting under my breath and then it got louder.

"Shalom, Shalom, Shalom, Shalom"

"Mrs. Bryson... Are you all right" Wendy whispered.

She was at a crossroad between running and being concerned about me. My ears opened up to her voice and I quickly tried to pull myself together.

"I... I am sorry that you and Ro' had to experience that."

Wiping my eyes free of the streaming liquid, I checked the mirrors and proceeded to drive into the flowing traffic. Embarrassment could not have shown up more as I became flushed. Being light skinned, it was hard hiding what I felt. I was determined to bring peace back into my life. Thanking God for that spirit of worship; I repented and apologized again to them both.

We arrived at the house and Reginald was outside prepared to greet us. He was more flattering than I remembered. I introduced the crew that rode with me to him. While we walked towards that house, Wendy tugged me at the arm.

"Wow, he is super fine."

"Yes he is and know that the men in our family and those that enter into the family are well proportioned."

She laughed at the comment I made while she shook her head up and down. Not even a minute later, I was screaming and crying tears of joy looking at my baby girl. She was big as boulder walking up to me. We hugged and kissed and then hugged again. We embraced each other so long that I forgot about the others. Wendy sat Ro' down and went outside to get the bags. She knew that we were having a moment and frankly I am glad that she respected our space. Hearing the door close and voices in the other room talking, I took Shawna by the hand and we went to go see what all of the laughter was about.

"I knew my mother-in-law could not come without having the whole closet with her" Reginald joked.

"Be careful now, she may hear you and decide to move in" Wendy chuckled.

"What... and mess up my satisfying pleasures with my wife? Never-that" he said.

"Okay, you two smart asses don't forget that I am right here."