Chapter 16

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Trigger warning: this chapter talks about depression.

Tori's POV

I ran my fingers through my hair as I choked out a couple last sobs. I sat on the floor, in the dark hating anything and everything. Especially myself.

I started to throw things. Pillows, books, clothes and glass cups. I flipped furniture and screamed as I started getting angrier and angrier at myself and at my life in general. Hundreds of emotions were washing over me all at the same time.

I felt angry, sad, alone and even vulnerable. I felt sick to my stomach almost as if I was going to throw up. I felt desperate, in need of attention and people who understand me. I needed affection but, I know I can never get it.

I continued to throw and flip stuff. I yelled out curse words and profanities as I tried not to cry once more. I hated the fact that I could break down so easy.

I sat in the middle of the room feeling the same emotions I did when I first got here. Depressed.

I wanted to cry but, I didn't let myself. All I did was choke out dry sobs. My throat felt raw and torn up from yelling and screaming so much. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. I shut my eyes tightly and gave in, tears began to cascade down my cheeks despite the fact I thought I had cried myself dry.

There was a quiet knocking at my door. I didn't move. I didn't want to answer to anyone no matter who it was. I had also moved a small bookcase and several chairs in front of my door in hopes of locking myself in my room and locking everybody out.

"Tori? Are you okay? I haven't seen you in hours and the dance is started." The quite voice of none other than Liam himself says through the door. I didn't answer. I don't want him to feel pity for me any more than he already had. "Tori, you didn't have another breakdown. Did you?" His voice was filled with worry and emotion. I continued to let hot tears roll down my face as I sat in the middle of a mess I've created both physically and mentally. "Answer me Tori!" His voice was louder.

I didn't want to do this to him. I got up and moved to my bedroom. I sat on the mattress that was half on the box spring half on the ground. I looked at my closet which was once beautifully color coordinated and organized, now is messy and scattered.

Shards of glass and pieces of a mirror cover the kitchen floor.

There I sat listening to the loud sounds being made by Liam who was urgently trying to get in. I now felt emotionless, like nothing around me mattered.

Usually, I would have let Liam in by now but for some reason, I don't feel the need to.

"Tori!" Liam screamed. I sat looking at the shattered picture frame in front of me. I felt worthless, emotionless and hatred for the world. "Tori!" He never stopped.

He kept screaming and banging on the door. He sounded desperate, urgent and scared. "Tori! Open the door! I can help you!"

I sat there. "No one can help me, I'm worthless all anyone feels is pity for me," I whispered to myself.

I heard a loud groan and furniture moving. I still sat there. Suddenly Liam appeared in the doorway. He looked at me. That look was enough to bring me to tears.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated over and over again. He shook his head as he ran up to me and engulfed me in a hug.

"Don't you ever do that to me again." He said. "I thought you had done something to yourself."

I sobbed uncontrollably into his suit jacket. I cried and he stood there hugging me and whispering things to make me calm down. I started to whimper.

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