The Presidents Secret

Fourteen

[Mentions of rape, suicidal thoughts, and other triggering things]

"My dark past" he said sniffling a little.  Clearly he had just calmed down from crying.  He laughed sadly "It's, complicated"

"Well, I think I can keep up" I said.  He lulled his knees to his chin.

"Well, I never had a bad childhood.  I mean, my parents were good to me and they were so good together.  When I was a teenager is when my past gets dark.  My uncle was my best friend.  He always made us seem so close.  He bought me things and said I could trust him.  Well, my dad, he didn't like that.  Always said he didn't trust my uncle"

"Why didn't he trust him?"

"I don't know.  He just said he got a scary vibe"

"Okay.  Go on"

"He was right to" he said.  My skin crawled as I waited for him to continue.  "When I was thirteen, I was still a kid.  I was considered a teen but I was still really little I guess.  And my uncle said we were gonna play a game.  A touching game" I tensed up.  He closed his eyes "He would touch me places.  Ya know?  And he said it was normal.  I just couldn't tell my parents"

"Patrick" I whispered. 

"No there's more" he said.  I bit my lip.  "It went on until I was fifteen because then I realized it wasn't normal.  And when he tried to touch me I pushed him away.  But that only made him angry.  He threw me down and-"

"Stop!" I yelled.  He sobbed into his hand. 

"He raped me" He whimpered.  I closed my eyes as my lip quivered.  "I didn't say anything until I was seventeen.  The bastard died of a heart attack a week after I told my parents"

"Patrick" I pulled him to my chest in a hug.

"I have issues with sex now.  I only do it with people I truly love.  That's why Brendons the only man I've ever slept with.  And it freaks me out when people try to hard.  I feel like they'll rape me or something"

"Baby.  I'm so sorry.  I love you" I said in his ear. 

"I attempted suicide at the age of 18.  I could never escape the feeling of his hands on me.  The kids at school all made fun of me because I freaked out when someone touched me.  They all teased me saying I was afraid of cooties.  I never had a friend.  Ever.  I felt so worthless and I saw the pills-" He stopped not going into more detail.  He hugged me tighter crying his eyes out "I'm sorry!"

"Why are you sorry?"

"I'm fucked up!" he wailed.  He hid his head in my neck "I love you" He whimpered.

"Oh god I love you too.  I love you so much"

"Okay,  It's your turn.  Come on.  I wanna hear your dark past" he wiped his eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah.  Distract me" He was still crying. 

"Okay" I sighed.  I looked at the curled up ball of adorableness in my lap.  I ran my fingers through his beautiful hair.  "Mines not as bad" he laughed as if it were a joke.  "When I was about ten I had nightmares all the time.  Non stop.  They followed me until I got to be about fifteen.  Then nightmares turned into voices in my head.  They told me things like I was worthless and I should die.  So I tried" he bit his lip "But I got help.  My mom got me therapy.  Then I got bad again.  They believed I wouldn't make it passed 28.  But I promised people I'd keep myself alive for them.  And I did"

"Do you still hear the voices?"

"Every day" I said gently. 

"What makes them stop?" He pouted a little.  I smiled.

"When you talk they go away" I kissed his nose.  "Now sleep.  You're tired I can tell.  I'll be right here next to you.  Holding you.  You're safe"

"I love you" he yawned.

"I love you too"