ocean eyes

xlix

oikawa took a deep breath as he stood in front of all those people, iwaizumi right behind him. he hadn't looked at him yet. he didn't dare to before the speech.

he opened his eyes and cleared his throat.

"i'm oikawa tooru," he started. "you may know me as hajime's best friend. as hajime's boyfriend." he bit his lip for a split second, before continuing.

"i've known him since he was a little four-year-old boy. i was one of the few who knew him pre-cancer, actually, although i can't remember all of it.

"no, for most of my life i've known hajime as the sick boy. i've known him as that since before he was diagnosed. he was always tired, he always had strange bruises. it wasn't until middle school that i finally understood.

"that didn't matter to me, though. he was my best friend, after all.

"when i went to visit him in hospital for the first time, i expected him to be more of a wreck. but in reality, as usual, i was the one crying. he was strong. like a rock. which is ironic, since that's what iwa means.

"it continued like that. hajime would stay strong. i always thought, genuinely, that he'd make it. not because i had faith in modern medicine and not because people told me that, it was because he was always so strong. if it weren't for the exhaustion, i wouldn't have known he was ill at all.

"it pains me to be here today. in all honesty, i don't believe we should be. a seventeen-year-old shouldn't be lying in a coffin behind his boyfriend.

"but as unfair as it is, it's our reality. it's a harsh reality. hajime taught me that during his final months. he knew he was going to die, and even in his last minutes, when i held him, he didn't seem upset about it. he told me he could feel that he was dying as i held him, but not a word about how unfair it was, about how he wanted to live. in his last moments on earth, he made sure to tell me that i shouldn't waste the chance he never had.

"hajime was— no, let me rephrase that. hajime is the strongest, most beautiful and most special person i have met in my entire life. he was an amazing friend, patient, son, lover and fighter. i'm not lying when i say i'll always love him.

"so, although we are here to grieve a loss of a person so special, i'm not going to cry. i'm going to be strong. like a rock. i'm going to shine like the sun will never stop doing, and i'm going to love him, and that, too, will never end."