Starlight

Chapter 5: Fire

She stood conflicted, at a fiery crossroads, bombarded with so many decisions, responsibilities, revelations filling her stomach, heavy like a rock. She felt herself sinking lower and lower. Her mind was muddled; she couldn't make sense of it at all. Something dark stirred within her just as the light within began to dim like a star winking out in the sky. It had been dimming since the doubt had begun to creep into her thoughts.

Too many decisions. Too many responsibilities.

She shook, feeling the fire light up her skin. Even centered, the heat was growing. Every path lead to hear ache. Every path led to war. Every path led to death. Her vision was clear -

To the East, her fiancee stood, the blackness engulfing him, overcoming his valiant efforts to live, to protect. But he would be defeated in this war. War was here, it was savaging the land and the guilt was burning through her, giving the darkness more power.

It was her fault.

She'd struggled to protect but the stability, her stability was shaking. She would fail and people would die.

To the West, her true love, her betrothed, was broken. Her revelation had come too late. He had been so loyal, so in love with her that he had let her make a choice, a choice that had not been him. And he was broken, but still he fought for her, fought for the kingdom. He held out his hand, the darkness building around him. His eyes offered her support but the hope was gone now. She had broken him, and now she couldn't save him.

She couldn't save anyone. Their power was too much and they would feed on her as the war raged. She would betray them all. Her faith in herself had shattered. She had made so many wrong decisions, because her blood was poisoned with the evil blight that was eating her kingdom. It tainted everything it touched. And it was in her. And as she continued to breathe, she was spreading that taint.

To the South was another path entirely. She could embrace the darkness, the taint that was swirling through her blood, causing the fire to ignite her. She could join their forces as she was born to do so. The war would be quick. She could rule, continue to protect her people, but the light would be gone. Her people would not love her. There would only be fear and hate. She would lose everyone, everyone she loved. Even if her seneschals stayed, they would wither and hate her for it. They would turn from her friends to her slaves.

Discouraged, she finally looked to the North. She saw the war halted, the darkness surrounded by her remaining light, holding it back. Only for a time. It would break through her light eventually. The people would be safe, their descendants would grow and happiness would return. Until the darkness broke free again. The darkness would always break free.

Her seneschals would be reborn when the darkness broke free. The darkness would be crippled for a time and would have to slowly rebuild itself, regain it's strength. Yes. There to the North, there was hope. If, while the darkness was crippled her seneschals were there to thwart them at every turn, to keep them from regaining their power. To the North, they at least had a chance to win the war.

It was the best option, the only option. She could save them all but, she would also be losing them all. Tears sprang from the corner of her eyes, clear as crystals, slipping down her cheeks. And, it would free her of the responsibility. She would give up her light and then it would be over for her. She would give them hope and then she could finally rest, letting them face the future. As much as it was self sacrificing, it was also cowardly, but Goddess she was so tired. It was just too much for just one person.

"I don't want this responsibility," she whispered. " I don't want to make anymore wrong choices." The war. Everything. It had been her fault. She had made the wrong choice. Such a selfish choice.