Storm (interracial)

Chapter 27 Derecho

You never really appreciate what you do have until your well runs dry.  Laying here thinking about the what ifs and what nots does nothing but bring more disappointment.  "Anything is plenty,  it's better than nothing at all," I once heard in a song.  And in all actuality it was the truth.  I never considered that what I may have been through was minimal compared to some others.   But my troubles where my troubles it is what made me who I was, and it would also be my doom.  What happens when the storm is over.

I've heard people speak of a bright light.  How they are drawn to it but you never hear the story of succumbing to it.  You feel light, free of all ailments, however alone.  I felt nothing and it appeared that nothing could hurt me.  It is the magnanimous feeling ever.  I've never felt as easy as I did in that moment.  Back to reality.  I have a child that will need me and a man who will hate me.  Should be so selfish and succumb to this feeling of nothingness, or should be an adult and face the war headed my way.

"We're losing her.  Her pulse is weakening by the seconds.  Stay with us.  Your baby girl needs you." I can hear someone say.

Maybe this is my faith.  Maybe it was designed for me to go through hell.  If there is anytime that I need you God it would be now.  I don't deserve anything from you but I need you.  I need to mend relationships that I've broken and face any and all consequences. If there is anytime I need you to forgive me for my wrong it is now.  I repent lord, I repent.  I repent for all the devious, cold hearted, malicious intent I had towards others.  I asked that you allow me to see my child grow along side of Arian.  I ask that you give me the courage and the strength to forgive Arian for it has brought me down a destructive path.  To forgive my mother, father, and most of all myself.  Help me to remember that it was not Arian alone who created this Storm.  I had the biggest role in this tragedy.  I pray that Arian finds it in his heart to forgive me.  I vow to do everything in my power to show him what I never truly have.  Love.  I never knew how to give it because I wasn't familiar with it.  It's late but I vow to give myself to you, God.  I shall put you first,  live to your word to the best of my abilities.  I need you to see me through this God, through the bad and the good.   Amen.

I thought long and hard about it all.  I thought about how much Arian did love me.  When I really looked back to when I told him he was not shocked nor was he outraged.  He was calm, to calm for someone who had been told the unforgivable.  He responded but it was almost as if he knew already.  His emotions were so intact.  What I saw now that I look back was irritation more than anger.  Hurt, but mostly disappointment.  I was so busy thinking everything revolved around me, I never fathomed what he might have gone through. I was the epitome of inconsiderate and selfish. I felt somewhat like a narcissist. I could not excuse myself nor could I change the past. It's unfortunate that people had to die and for me to be lying here for me to realize my stupidity. I wouldn't fault Arian if he had me to dispose of me. It would be my burden I'd have to bear.

Beeping, I hear beeping.

"We've got a pulse. Someone says.

*******

When I was informed of Storm's situation I didn't know whether I should be elated or if I should be devastated. I was neither. I was numb to everything that the doctor told me in that moment. I had to get away from there quickly before I lost it.  I walked to my car and contemplated.  I sat in my car replaying everything that led up to today. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit something. I couldn't cause I could not feel a thing. I couldn't muster up the energy to care. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't love her but I was so overwhelmed with everything that was occurring that I couldn't grasp it all at once. What I needed was sometime to think. I needed to be stable for our daughter's sake. After sometime I made my way back into the hospital.  I sat there still baffled about everything.

"Sir", one of the doctors interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes."

"Your wife has flatlined but we are going to do everything we can to ensure that she makes it back to you and your baby girl."

I nodded my head and the doctor walked off. At that moment it hit me, I broke down for everything. I wasn't a perfect man and I most definitely didn't do anything to deserve answers from God. I prayed. I prayed for my daughter who was also fighting for her life, for Storm, for myself, for everything. Even though she betrayed me I still had to pray for her cause our daughter needs her and I need her to be there for our daughter. I have to stop the cycle or no one will. I have to put things into perspective when it comes to the overall picture. Our daughter will need something I missed in the latter years of my life and what Storm never had. A family. Not a functional family but a loving family. I'd be willing to repair our relationship if she can be woman enough to fight battles with me and not against me. God pull her through so that we can have a sit down. Pull her through for our daughter.

As I'm pacing the hospital's floor I find myself standing in front of a glass looking at the babies wondering where will be in five years from now. If the lord permits we'll all get to see that day. What a glorious day it will be if we all get to see it. If they both leave here alive, well, and healthy then as a man I'll raise the bar to make them happy. All we all ever want is to be happy in the end.

"Excuse me sir, would you happen to be a Mr. Arian Kadriovski?" A female

I continued to stare at the innocent little lives before me before answering.  "Yes I am."

"The doctor need to speak to you concerning your wife."

"Okay.  Let them know that I'm on my way. 

"Yes sir."

I paced back slowly to where Storm was.  I was in no mood for bad news, so I prepared myself for the worst and the good.  As I approached the doctor immediately started walking in my direction once he saw me.  The seconds that passed seemed to be the longest of my life.

"Sir we were able to stabilize her."  Relief swarmed through my body.  "She is still not out of the woods yet but it's looking better.  I'll keep you informed. 

"What about the my daughter?" I asked before he could leave.

"I'll have someone come to speak to you about her but her condition is still the same.  We have to develop her lungs.  One thing I will say is that she is a fighter. 

I didn't have to wait long for an update.  I was informed that she was still fighting and that I could come and see her.  Let me tell you, seeing her was the scariest thing that I've ever witnessed. She had tubes running everywhere but she was still the most precious thing I'd ever seen.  She small, almost to small.  In that moment I prayed.  I prayed like I'd never prayed before.