Storm (interracial)

Squall Chapter 28

Almost a week later and I was released from the hospital. If the past few months wasn't the test of time for Arian and I then I really do not know what is. Things between the two of us have been strained but at least we're not hostile towards each other.  Although, we reside in the same dwelling we've had little to no contact. Our only interaction is when we visit our daughter, most of the time separately, during visiting hours and we'll discuss things concerning her but we haven't really discussed the elephant in the room. I believe we both fear the conversation itself and what may come of it. If he's not then I know I am. I hate that I put us in this situation. At the time the gratification that I thought I had by trying to ruin him simply was not worth the pain. If I'd only accepted my role in the events that led to this, then we'd be a happy family but everything happens for a reason, right. I see that now, as well as the fact that I need professional help so I've made arrangements to see a therapist. If God gave me another chance then I could give myself another chance. This time I'll do right by all means. That near death scare at least exposed a few things about my health. I was diagnosed with hypertension. As young as I am, I have heart disease.  I'm not sure if it is hereditary or if is due to everything that life has thrown at me. 

As I'm getting dressed from church this morning Arian informs me that he will be waiting in the car.  This was the one thing that we could agree upon.  Actually us getting right with God and making changes in our life had been one of our longest conversations since I've been back.  Arian's Catholic and being that we're in his native home we decided that I'd take is faith.  I never really belonged to any domination but I'd regularly attend this Methodist church when I was homeless.  I feel as if this can be a small, but impactful step to Arian and I mending our relationship whether it be as friends or as partners.  For our daughter I'll do anything to ensure her happiness, and I'm sure her will to.  Finally I'm finished dressing and I make my downstairs.  I'm nervous as I approach the awaiting car being that this will be the first time Arian and I will do something together other than going to see our daughter.  The driver opens the car door here goes nothing.

"Took you long enough my love."  He says as if someone had him at gun point. 

"I apologize I was indecisive on what to wear." I say nervously.  His moods are so in and out I'm to afraid to say are make the wrongs gestures. 

"It's church.  You go as you are."

"Your right."

"Why?"

I turned to face him cause I want him to see the sincerity in my face and words.  If we are to make a fresh start then it will help if I'm completely honest.  "Because I hated you." I pause almost afraid of his reaction but I continued.  " I hated myself.  It was like everything that had gone wrong in life came crashing down on me all at once and out of rage I took it all out on you.  Somehow I let myself think that everything was your fault.  To make me feel better you became the scapegoat and for that I'm truly sorry. At the time my mind only thought one way and one way only and that to hurt you as much as I was hurting. The accumulation of everything traumatic that occurred in my life I wanted you to pay for it. If I was broken then you should be broken to. It was an all to consuming feeling that over powered everything that made sense. I was bitter, tired, and lost. None of it is an excuse but it was were I was at the time. I understand if you hate me and whatever you decide to do I'll have to deal. I know I have no right but all I ask of you is to let me nurture our daughter until she is of age. You owe me nothing and I'm fine with that but we owe her a chance. Everything I've done has ruined us and I don't know what in this world I can do to fix it. If I have to pay for it with my life then so be it. It's a bed I made so I must sleep in it, but for our little Camilla can we at least try?"