Good Enough (Camren)

chapter 9

Camila's pov

"I'm worried" I said running my fingers through my greasy brown hair. I really should wash my hair soon.

"What are you worried about Camila" the psychologist, mrs. Logan, Lauren is making me see asked.

"I'm worried that my child will have his eyes" I said simply removing my hand from my hair wiping them on my blue Jean pants.

"His?" She asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Her father you know my rapist" I said with a duh tone. I'm almost 99.99% sure Lauren told this lady the root of all my 'tiresome' problems and it really bothered me that she pretended to not know. Like of course I'm talking about him who else would I be talking about fucking Santa Claus?

"Ahh yes Miss Jauregui informed me about him. What is your relation to Miss Jauregui?" She asked not looking up from her white notepad.

"Aren't we supposed to talk about the whole I was raped and now I'm pregnant thing" I asked rolling my eyes at her blatant tone.

"We're here to talk about whatever you want to talk about miss Cabello" she said looking up from her notepad into my eyes giving me a toothless smile.

"Well that's very effective" I joked giving her a smirk. She didn't reply she just continued to look at me.

"Lauren's my girlfriend" I answered as she looked at me amused.

"Your girlfriend?" She asked with a slight giggle.

I looked at her seriously as she cleared her throat awakardly "I'm sorry you just don't look..gay" she said slowly.

"I'm sorry I don't bleed rainbows and speak fluent butch should I usually leave that persona for Friday's" I said rolling my eyes.

"I'm sorry miss Cabello" she started. "I'm didn't mean to offend you"

"A lot of people don't mean to do a lot of things" I said slowly looking anywhere but her. This was pointless.

"She's so gorgeous baby" Lauren said holding little Avalyn Hope Jauregui, ava for short. "Do you want to hold her yet" Lauren asked me bouncing the child in her folded arms.

"Not yet baby I've already held her remember I'm sure Alana wants to hold her her sister" I said smiling. Truth be told I wasn't ready of course I'd already seen her but I was literally high on epidural and whatever other 30 drugs they gave me.

"Camila" Lauren said sternly as if she knew why I didn't want to hold her.

"Okay okay"

She smiled and handed me Ava. I looked at her trailing my fingers around her features. She has light brown hair kinda dirty blonde but not quite. She has my beautiful lips. She has a baby face..which makes sense cause..she's a baby. Now I just need to see her eyes.

"She is quite the looker" I said laughing as I felt the tears rushing to my eyes. I just couldn't believe that this, a beautiful child, was pushed out of me. She looked so innocent. I noticed her hand wrapped tightly around my index finger. I looked at the sight a cooed then I looked back at her face. Brown. I saw beautiful brown eyes. Thank you God.
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I shrugged into the kitchen looking over at Lauren lazily brushing Alana's hair into a high ponytail.

Alana was half sleep while half eating her cinnamon toast. I felt so bad for my baby. Ana was a horrible sleeper always waking up at 2 am then again at 4 waking Alana everytime.

"I'm sorry baby" I said softly pecking Alana on the lips then giving Lauren a kiss.

"It's okay mami." Alana said shrugging tiredly.

"You're so understanding baby" I said softly. Looking at the heading to the door.

"Are you coming to the cafe" Lauren asked not even making eye contact with me.

"It's don't feel like getting Avalyn ready Lauren"

"Alright I'll see you later" she said rushing out the door with Alana.

I sighed because as soon as the door shut I heard a loud cry coming from the nursery.

"Hey ava it's okay Mami is here" I said softly picking her out of her crib cradling her in my folded arms. She didn't calm down if anything the crying got worse. I almost wanted to rip my hair out. I sighed sat down in the rocking chair and put her face in my boob. She instantly attached to my nipple and stopped crying.
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"Do you regret it?" Mrs. Logan asked me softly.

"Do I regret what" I asked looking over at avalyn in her car seat fast asleep.

"Do you regret keeping her" she asked bluntly.

"If I'm being totally honest. I do most of the time" I started. "I don't know what I expected I just know I didn't expect it to be this hard. You know? It's only been a month and I'm just waiting for the older ages so she can just I don't know sometimes I just want to tell her to shut-up and have her understand" I said. "Lauren's barely home now since she works more hours Alana's teacher, tori , keeps calling saying she's falling asleep in class. I just want peace that's it." I said running my hand through my hair.

"Maybe you should change her schedule. I mean camila what's her schedule now" she asked softly.

"She wakes up at 7:30 ish I feed her all that. She usually back to sleep until 9. I give her a bath then she just babbles or whatever spits everywhere. I feed her at 10 she's usually back to sleep around now or she'll go to sleep in the car when I go pick up Alana--" she cut me off.

"Do you see your mistake" she asked.

"No"

"You literally let her sleep all day then your surprised she's awake early in the morning" she said rolling her eyes.

"Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her there aren't many activities you can do with a month old" I said rolling my eyes back.

"You're a horrible parent" she said blatantly.

I looked at her shocked "What no I'm not"

"Yes you are. Raise your child Camila" she said angrily.

"Fuck you" I mumbled picking up ava's cars eat and leaving. Am I a bad mom?