for: s

for s, for j

August 2017

Dearest Syira, who has been living in my heart for six months long, and still counting.
I sincerely write—or type—this letter for you as I know that it's already the time when you might be busy with the preparation of your wedding which is coming really soon.

Syira, I just arrived in US two days ago.
I'm sorry that I can't fulfill my promise to come.
I just discovered that it might be really hard for me to see you standing together with him there, holding hands, smiling happily as you have become official.
I can't fall in front of a lot of people.
I am known as a strong-hearted boy.
All the tears you saw, all the sad and drunk guy image you witnessed, it just happened after I met you.
Not that I think that my life became really miserable after meeting you, no, of course not. I am happy that I met you, even until now. Even when I miss you so bad.
But it's only you who can make me really happy as well as really broken.
And that's because I love you too much; it's too much for a four-month encounter.

Syira, you once tell me that you enjoy any type of music, right?
I can see it just by looking at your Path updates.
Anyway, did you see my Path updates since July?
It's all about you.
About my feelings for you since our first meeting until the last one.
And I decided to make a playlist out of them.
I've attached a link for you to listen, only if you want to reminisce what we've had, it's okay if you don't want to. But let me know if you decided to listen.

Syira, there are so many things happened in those four months, and I do remember every single details of it.
How about you?

Do you still have feelings for me?
Do you still think about me at times?
Do you still check my Snapchat updates?
Do you listen to my songs?
Do you still love me...?
It's okay if you don't.
But let me know if you do.

I have been missing you, let me know that I'm not alone.
I have been writing songs for you, let me know if you want to listen.
I have been wanting to see you, let me know that you also want to.

Syira, thank you for everything.
I didn't get to say that in our last meeting.
I don't, and I will never hate you for making me feel suffocated because of the feeling of missing you.
You're the best thing I've ever had.
Now that you have someone better with you, I wish you'll get the happiness you always look for.
Tell me if he hurt you.
Tell me if there's finally a chance for me to make you happy.
I'll be waiting.

Love you.

---

August 2017

To Jeremy that still have a place in my heart,
how dare you making me cry even from miles away.

I am replying to let you know that you're not alone.
To let you know that I've listened to the series of songs you listened every time you remember about what we've had, even before you give me this playlist.
To let you know that even though I don't try to reach you, I still check every single updates you make everywhere.

Jeremy,
Just so you know.
I decided to walk barefoot even though it hurts sometimes.
Both of the shoes couldn't take the length of my feet.
I didn't want to damage the shoes by stepping on it, so that I let them go.

Jeremy,
I love you too.
Please be happy with someone better.
Don't wait for me.

Let's see each other again someday.