Do You Want Me (Dead) (Jalex)

Chapter 3 (Guts)

Chapter 3

Jack

Guts

“I should have known better that to trust you with one fucking thing.” He growled.

            I turned to the window, “Fuck…” I whispered in a shaky voice.

Shy scooted closer to me with a consoling look in her watery eyes. “It’s o-okay, Jack… He doesn’t mean it.”

I glanced at Alex who had his face in his hands now, and shook my head.

“He’s right, Shy. It’s my fault though, not his.”

Alex looked up through his fingers and laughed bitterly. “It was my fault, Jack. I shouldn’t of fucking gave you the god damn radio. I knew you’d mess something up. I just wasn’t fucking thinking.”

My heart sank. I knew Alex hated when I messed things up, but what would he do about this? He always took the blame before, I didn’t want him to regret trusting me or hate me, but I didn’t want him to beat himself up over Kai’s death either.

I shook my head, “It’s my fault.”

“Just stop Jack.” Alex cried leaning back against the wall of the van and closing his eyes with a sigh of frustration, “Just shut up for five goddamn minutes, can I trust you to do that?” I nodded.

I’ll shut up. If that’s really what he fucking wants. I thought. I turned to look at Shy who was listening to Love whisper in her ear. I wondered what they were saying. Was it about me? Alex? Kai? They probably knew by now that I was a fuck up, and saw that this all really was my fault.

            Zack climbed into the van at that time, grabbing Cole’s hand and pulling him in with him, slamming the door behind them.

“They go-got hi-“

“We know…” Alex cut Cole off, his eyes never opening.

Cole broke down. I didn’t blame him. Kai was like his brother. I looked him up and down. Did he ever like Kai how I liked Alex? Of course not. They were close but both straight, but I didn’t know that for sure. If I knew anything about secrets, that one was the only one I’d never reveal. I assumed if Cole was that way it’d be his only secret too.

            I glanced at Zack who was practically shaking beside Alex whose arms were crossed, brow furrowed, and eyes seeming to be sealed shut.

            He hated me now. He’s never yelled at me for fucking things up before, but this threw him over the edge. He couldn’t have possibly just brushed it off this time.

            I pinched the bridge of my nose, and jumped at a small hand that was rested on my shoulder. Shy yanked away and tried to comfort me but failed miserably, “Are you okay?”

I nodded.

“Do you need anything?” She picked up her black back pack and rummaged through it for a minute before yanking out bottled water.

Zack leaned forward, “Where did you find this?!” He snatched it from me before I could drink it all and sipped it. “This is clean water!”

Shy nodded. “We had three years full of supplies before all this really got out. Still have a bit of it in our car. If we can get back to it, we’ll give you guys some.”

“What do you mean really got out?” Alex piped up opening his honey-brown eyes.

“Shy knew it was coming.” Love said. “She stored up a bunch of things years before it got out and the week before it really broke out she packed it all in our car and told everyone to get ready.”