Do You Want Me (Dead) (Jalex)

Chapter 4 (Break Your Little Heart)

Chapter 4

Alex

Break Your Little Heart

“W-we… should talk… when I’m done, okay?” I stuttered.

            Jack nodded and I pulled him in for a quick hug then left him hesitantly. I tried my best to keep my head and make sure I had heard everything right. Jack loved me? I knew we were always close and acted the part but actual love? Not the brotherly friend love, the love love? A love I thought only I had been feeling for all these years. Or had I been feeling it? I was straight wasn’t I? Jack was straight! He slept with woman! Didn’t he? It’s not like I actually checked to see every girl he’d bring into his bedroom was actually a girl. Did he ever do it with men? How long is long to him? Could I really feel the same? Or was this a phase for me? How long were phases? Did they last years? Life times? Was I just lonely? Was that why my body felt weak and my legs felt as if if I thought about his words any longer they’d fold underneath me? Because phases and loneliness made you feel like fire was licking the inside of your body and your heart was practically about to explode inside your chest, right?

             Jack was in love with me? No, we’re just friends. That’s what we’ve told everyone! That’s what we’ve always said! Even when we hugged and kissed and fell asleep in each other’s arms it’s been the same, “We’re not gay” and “We’re just friends”. Ever since day one we’ve been “just friends” and now he’s telling me he loves me? This wasn’t right. I couldn’t get caught up in this, I’d mess everything up including the plan.

            I stumbled through the storage room of the basement in the mall. It was nearly pitch black save the moving glow of Rian’s flash light as he searched the shelves that were filled with boxes, all of them nearly empty. Rian cussed softly as a few crashed on the floor in front of him and their contents scattering across the floor.

“What happened?” I breathed stepping behind him.

Rian already had a gun to my head before “what” could even leave my mouth.

He lowered it at the sight of me. “Dammit, Alex, I thought you were… Look this whole Kai thing has got me a little worked up. Don’t sneak up on me.”

            I nodded practically shitting myself. He was worked up? What about me? I was the one who killed Kai! And then I went and blamed it on Jack who loves me… Oh, how could I fix any of this? I knew how. I’d stick with the plan, right?

            Rian looked me up and down before going back to picking up the fallen boxes with a sketchy flash light. He had to slam it hard against the palm of his hand every time it’d go off and whispered “Please come on! Just five more minutes!” I held up my own flashlight and pointed it to the fallen boxes.

“Thanks.” He muttered pulling what was left of the scattered supplies into the boxes off the floor. “We’re losing food fast; I don’t know how much longer we have until we’ll have nothing to eat…”

“What do you know about Jack and his feelings?” I blurted ignoring the fact that we had no supplies and Rian was looking to me, as leader, for a plan I certainly didn’t have at the moment.

Rian’s head shot up. “Jack? Feelings? What kind of feelings?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Sad, mad, love…”

Rian shook his head, “Jack’s never told me anything he hasn’t told you or Zack, if you’re trying to get a secret out of me, Lex, you’re out of luck.”