Captivated

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Today is Christmas Eve and all I want is to be anywhere but here. I've had a lot of time to think. That's all I seem to do these days. And I can't quite decide on where I would be if I wasn't locked up in here. Would I be at home with my father? Or would he be too busy passed out on the couch to even realize it was Christmas. Would I be spending the holidays with Colby and his family? Well, that would be the plan. Except for the fact that he was seeing Laiken behind my back. I wonder if things would have been different if I was never taken. Would he have continued to see her? Would they ever have been caught? I can't help but think otherwise. I would have had no idea and they would have continued seeing each other without me even having the slightest clue. The only reason I know is because Avery went to see them. So as of this moment, I don't know where I would have spent Christmas, but I do know one thing: I am here and I can't change that. I guess I have to accept that this will be my final Christmas and I can only make the best out of it.

Dane comes down to bring me breakfast. He says that he's making a special dinner for tonight. He tells me that he has to go out to get a turkey and pumpkin pie for dinner and that he also has to run some errands in preparation for Christmas tomorrow. But he reassures me that he'll be back by four and he will have dinner ready and on the table for six. Not like I needed his reassurance.

"I have an early present for you," he smiles.
"Oh." He hands me a small box wrapped in red paper. "What is it?" I ask.
"Open it and see."
I'm hesitant. Is this some kind of trick? Would Dane do that? I'm always so paranoid. I tear open the wrapping to reveal a cardboard box. I look up at him and his eyes say open it. So I fold open the flaps and inside the box lies a hairbrush. "Is this a joke?"
"No. I thought it would be nice for you. So you can tidy up a bit for dinner tonight."
"Wow you are so considerate. Thank you," I say sarcastically.
He laughs. "Hey, it's better than what Joslyn got last year,"
"Who?"
"Count your blessings Reign. A hairbrush is better than a lot of things. Like suffocating to death." My heart sinks and I hope that he's kidding. But he's not. He smiles that sinister smile of his. "I'll see you at dinner Reign. I hope you wear something nice." Then he leaves the room.

__

I lie on my bed for a while thinking about Christmas and all the things my mother and I used to do. We would always do our Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. No matter how much we tried to get it done early we would always procrastinate to the last minute to buy everything. The line ups were ridiculous, but it all seemed worth it on Christmas morning when we watched each other open up the presents. Our Christmas tradition consisted of watching Christmas specials on television all morning, then making a big family brunch. Some years my grandparents would fly in from Vancouver the week before to join us for the festivities. Other years we would fly home and visit them. I always liked visiting back home for Christmas because everything would be white and snowy and made the holidays feel like magic. Christmas in San Francisco is nice, but nothing can compare to the winter wonderland back home. I miss those holiday traditions. I miss my mother. I wonder what we'd do this year if she was still alive.

A little while later there's a knock on my door and Avery walks in. Straight away I can tell that he looks different – upset. Something is wrong.

"Are you okay?" I ask, sitting up straight in my bed.
"Yeah, fine," he gives his head a slight shake and closes the door behind him. He's hiding something.
"Where's Dane?"
"Still out. Don't worry." he says as he walks over and sits beside me on the bed.
"When will he be back?"
"Dinner time? I'm not sure. He's just running some errands."
"Okay."
"How are you?" he asks.
"Fine I guess. How are you?"
"Fine."
"Are you excited for Christmas?" I ask jokingly. This is all a joke to me. Christmas? Here? Yeah right.
He laughs. "I don't know. It's just another day really. Christmas' have never really been the same since..."
"Yeah, me too." I say. "I was actually just thinking about her,"
"Your mother?"
"Yeah. How she would decorate our house from floor to ceiling and still be worried that it wasn't enough,"
He laughs. "Yeah, moms can be like that."
I don't want to ask about his mother because I know it's a sensitive topic, but I just can't help myself. "Did your mom love Christmas?" I ask.
"Yeah. She did. She loved baking cookies and pumpkin pie. That's why my dad still buys it every year. It reminds him of her."
"That's nice," I smile. It's silent for a moment and I can't help but get the feeling that something isn't right.
"That's actually not why I came to talk to you," he says after a moment.
"What happened? What's wrong?"
He's hesitant. "It's... it's about your case."
"You've been following my case!? What happened? Have they stopped looking?"
"No, I don't – follow your case, that is. Like I told you before, there's no cell reception or television network out here." He pauses. "But... I was driving the car the other day and I heard what they were saying on the radio,"

This is so surreal to me. He's never spoke about the fact that I'm a missing person before, and I think because of that, I've always felt like I was invisible. Like I no longer existed in the real world. I always hoped and prayed that they were looking for me, but I gave up hope after a while. But suddenly, with Avery sitting across from me telling me that he heard them talking about me on the radio – I feel a spark of hope ignite inside of me.

"What did they say? What's happening!?" I'm too eager. He pauses and I see that look in his eyes. "Oh god what happened? Have they given up? Stopped looking for me?"
"No, it's not that –"
"What is it Avery!?"
He pauses again. They're looking in the wrong places."
"What do you mean wrong places?"
"I didn't know how to tell you, but... they're following a lead up in Oregon,"
"Oregon!? But that's the opposite way! Why are they looking there?"
"I'm not sure. The people on the radio were saying they've had a breakthrough in the Reign O'Connor case and they are currently following a lead up in Oregon State."
"I'm I don't answer. I can't process all of this information. "Oregon?" I ask. He nods. "But... Jo? What about Jo? And Tori? Haven't they connected all of our cases? Or what about all the girls before us? Do they not know we're all connected!?"
"I don't know Reign. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry!?"
"I didn't want to tell you. I know you'd be upset. But I... I couldn't keep it from you either. I felt guilty."
"Guilty!? Good! You should feel guilty!" I'm yelling now and I stand up to take a breath.
He stands too. "Reign," he reaches for my arm but I pull away.
"No," I say. "No, you don't get to come in here and say you're sorry and try to make it all better. You can't make it better Avery. This is your fault!"
"Reign,"
"No!
"No! Stop saying my name! You feel guilty because you are guilty. If you would have just gotten me the hell out of here months ago none of this would even be happening!"
"None of what?"
"This!" I motion between us. "You and me. The search for Reign O'Connor. You feeling guilty." I pause to take breath. "You wouldn't have ever needed to feel guilty."
"It wasn't that easy," he says and I can hear the anger building in his voice. "I specifically told you that I couldn't just let you walk out of here."
"Oh don't give me that bullshit Avery. We've been over that enough times."
"Then why are you still going on about it!?" he yells.
"Because I'm still here!" I yell back. "I wasn't supposed to end up here! It wasn't supposed to be like this!"
He stops and stares at me. It's quiet for a moment and all I hear is the sound of my own heart beating. It's pounding through my ears. "And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you." He says calmly. "But here we are. And there's nothing we can do about it."
I stare at him: wide eyed, adrenaline racing. Did I just hear him correctly? "You... what?"
"Nothing," he turns away.
"No," I reach out and grab his arm. "No, you don't get to walk away from me!" I yell.
He turns around and our eyes meet. "What do you want from me Reign? There's nothing I can do for you." he looks hurt. Defeated. And I think I am too.

Before I can think about what I'm doing or even try to stop myself, I'm moving towards him and my mouth is on his. I caught him off guard; he wasn't expecting this. He brings his arms up hesitantly and holds me at my waist. I put my hands on the back of his neck. His arms surround me and I feel warm; safe. I move my hands through his hair and allow his kisses to engulf me. I walk backwards, stumbling as his feet tangle through mine, and we collapse backwards onto the bed. I shift my legs to bring them up with me and I feel the chain around my ankle. It reminds me just how captive I really am. But at least in this moment, I'm captive here with him.

He has one hand in my hair and one hand is moving down my waist. I hear him mumble that he loves me. I try to ignore this. I can't help but think of Colby. How he used to tell me he loved me. How he used to do this very same thing. But Colby was a liar and he betrayed me. This anger fuels me and I flip Avery over so I'm facing him from above. I kiss him again, harder this time. I'm so mad at him. I hate him. I hate him. He's keeping me here and he won't let me leave. But no matter how much I say I hate him, I know deep down that isn't true. I sit back from him and stare at his face. Then I struggle with my nightgown, lift it over my head, and toss it on the floor. "Are you sure?" he asks. I nod.

I don't know if it's because I'm thinking about Colby or because Avery is kissing my neck, but in that moment, I realize something: I think I'm in love with him.