Look After Yourself (A teen titans fan-fic)

EP3: Silent Rooms and Nightmares

I know it's been a while since I updated... I'm sorry... :D I know this part is a bit of a change in tone from my usual stuff, but I wanted to try sonething new. 

I was lying awake in my bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the muffled snores that were the only thing penetrating the silence of the room. I found myself running my fingers through her hair, slowly, to the rhythm of her breathing that was softly pressing against my torso. Her head was buried in my side, and a constant wave of warm breath brushed against it. I smiled, turning my head in the almost complete darkness, to see the peacefulness of sleep in her features.

The last week had been hard on us. Having seen almost every villain, all with ill-thought out plans, made in a hurry in order to see our new bodies in person. Beast-girl had had it the hardest I think, the villains quickly picking up Cyborgs nick-name of 'little miss A-cup', and becoming the butt of the joke on more than one occasion, second being Robin, who's new body attracted lots of unwanted attention, no matter how much she tried to cover it up. The most sleep we had gotten was a few hours almost a day ago, which is why I smiled now at her sleeping face. She had as good as passed out in my arms, only staying awake long enough to curl herself up next to me. As tired as I was, however, I couldn't sleep, every time I got close to the bliss of unconsciousness, it slipped away, leaving me in my current state of sleep deprivation.

She groaned, pulling herself tighter to me, the peaceful expression her face had held a few moments ago shifted, making her look slightly distressed, I wondered if she was having a nightmare, it wouldn't have surprised me. I continued to run my fingers across her scalp soothingly, hoping to calm her, I could feel her heartbeat and breathing quicken, she was definitely having a nightmare. Her fingers dug weakly into my chest, her face distorting a little and I wondered if she had nightmares like this often. Even if she did, I would never have been awake to notice her silent suffering. I hoped not, I hoped that she had pleasant dreams, ones which are so nice you don't want to wake from them, and when you do, you awake with a smile on your face, even though you can't remember what happened in the stunning dream you had last night. I didn't have many of those, or if I did, I never remembered having them, most nights were the nightmares, nightmares of the horrors I've seen over the years, and of losing the people I love.

My most recent one of these features Beast-girl, she looks cold and frail, sitting in the centre of a dark room, the only light focused on her. Her thinner than average limbs shiver in the icy cold of the darkness that surrounds her from all angles, her tears freezing before they can run down her face entirely. I try to run toward her, but find that a wall blocks me from her. I attempt to use my powers but they do not work, and the constant energy that flows through me has all but vanished, I realize the demon inside me, the one that gives me my powers, has gone. I notice it then, the white outline of a figure in the room I can't access, walking toward her with malicious slowness, holding something I cannot make out. I scream through the wall, but she does not notice, she just continues to sob and shiver. The figure makes an unusually loud footfall and she looks up, her face, covered in her frozen tears, contorts into a look of pure terror and she scurries backward away from her attacker.  He steps out into the light, the man from my dream, with eyes just like mine, holding a large axe, and running his fingers along it lovingly, spilling his own blood right down the blade onto the floor. I scream again through the wall, battering it relentlessly, begging for it to let me through. He walks toward her, and she tries to move away but hit the very wall I'm standing behind. I beat it harder, willing it to break, to allow me to get inside and help her. Lifting the axe above his head, he begins to laugh, a cruel, inhuman laugh, like something out of a horror movie. He brings it down, her screams overtaking any other sound that could have been in the room...

My eyes jerked open. A cold sweat covered my body and it felt like my heart was about to burst from my chest. Stupid idiot, what were you doing thinking about your nightmares before bed? I looked around the room, Beast-girls eyes were open and gazed at me gently, she didn't say a thing, but brought her hand up to my face, stroking her thumb across my cheek. She didn't need to speak in order to comfort me, in fact the silence was probably better. I can't say this was the first time she'd done this, and once she'd found out about my nightmares she'd insisted on sleeping with me every night in case I needed her. Of course this was almost a month ago, and I'm not sure I could ever go back to the way it was before, of lying in this bed alone, letting the sweat soak away, and my heart to slow, telling myself that it wasn't real, but sometimes having to check, just in case. With her here, as long as she was next to me, I knew I'd be okay, that it was just a dream. As a guy, I thought it would get easier, dealing with the nightmares, but it became harder, I felt as if, somehow, I was even more responsible for anything bad that happened, and the fact that Beast-boy had been replaced by Beast-girl in all of them, made it ten times worse. She continued to rub my cheek as my heart rate slowed, looking at me worriedly. I kissed her forehead as if to say 'thank you', still not a word exchanged between us, none were necessary, we said all we needed to with our actions. She held my gaze for a second longer, questioning me, but when I brought my hand up to her face she relaxed again, settling herself back into the crook in my side, and quickly falling back to sleep, once again filling the room with her muffled snores.

I looked again at her peaceful expression, savouring it, for it seemed it never lasted long. Even in dreams, the peace was stolen, replaced by other, less savoury emotions. So for now I treasured it, happy that she could, for a while at least, rest, knowing she was safe in my arms, before the nightmares returned.