Rule #1: Let's Play A Love Game
"You need to get laid."
I sighed, switching the phone to my other ear as I tacked up my Harry Potter poster to the ceiling of my bedroom. Jumping down from the rickety old chair that barely held my tall frame up, I laid down, running eyes over Emma Watson's lovely face.
"Audrey, we've talked about this -"
"I know we have, but you listen to me Mr. Adam Finch! I've had enough of your no sex before love attitude! What if no one ever loves you? You do deserve sex!"
I flinched, but had to smile at her antagonized tone. Still, this was Audrey. Blunt, caring, annoying. But I knew she meant well in her own way.
Sighing again, I closed my eyes and imagined she was here, lying beside me, our legs entangled in the familiar fashion we've shared since we were kids. Voicing my thoughts aloud, I said, "I wish you were here, West. This place has too many people."
I heard her laugh, and could almost see the smile on her face; those blinding teeth, beautiful red hair splayed out behind -
What am I thinking?
"Don't worry, Finch. I'll be there just in time for your introduction to the toilet seat."
"No one's dumping me anywhere."
"You're a freshman. Even your pretty face won't get you out of this one," she teased.
I smirked. "Maybe yours will."
We chatted for a while after that, discussing her pick up arrangements. Audrey and I had pooled our resources and rented an apartment down in Toronto by the university we'd both been accepted into.
It was sort of sad to think that her parents regarded me about as sexually intimidating as a fish. I had a feeling that it was because they thought I batted for the other team. But let me say this one last time. Harry Potter does not make you gay. God.
It wasn't long before Audrey brought up my... condition again. "Listen to me, Finch. When I come down there, we will find you a girl and get this overwith."
"I can find my own girl, thank you very much."
I could feel her rolling her eyes. "Of course you can, stud, you just don't."
I rubbed my eyes and yawned. "Well, what do you want me to do?"
"You know what you have to do," she said solemnly.
I thought for a second. "No, actually, I don't."
She groaned. "Adam, seriously?"
"What? It's not like I can read minds or something."
"Fine." Her tone had become sharp, and I was taken aback for a second. I knew she wanted me to loosen up a bit, but she was never this serious about it.
"Okay," I said slowly. Normally she would've hung up, but she probably wanted me to say something. I just had no clue what.
"Okay," she echoed.
Silence.
"Have you started that blog yet?"
I covered up my cough with a laugh. She never could stay mad. Then I frowned, taking in her words. "No, I haven't."
This was another one of her crazy ideas to get me laid. Bring in the media, folks! The blogging, which was supposed to display my 'sexiness' and 'awesomeness' along with intelligence would somehow 'reel' girls in. Audrey's idea, obviously.
I only agreed to it after she promised to remove the ad she put in the newspaper - 'Hot University Freshman Looking For No Strings Attached Arrangement'. That episode of my life will haunt me forever.
"Oh, Adam," she sighed.
"But I will start tonight, I promise," I said, slipping down to my Superman boxers and climbing back into bed. When I didn't hear a reply, it seemed like she was stunned, or asleep. The latter, more likely. "West, you there?"
"Huh? Yeah, yeah I'm here." There was a weird catch in her voice. I knew it, she was sleepy.
Not for long, I thought evilly. "Let's play a love game."
As expected, she instantly jerked awake. I literally heard her bang her head on something. "A what?"
"A love game," I replied coolly, smirking as I pictured her reaction in my head. A deer caught in headlights, she was.
"Since I have to do this ridiculous task of yours, you have to do something in return." If she could play dirty, so could I.
"Like?" she asked suspiciously.
"Ask him out."
"Fine."
"I mean, I know you might be scared, but guess what, I don't - wait, what?"
I was shocked. I'd been trying to get Audrey to ask out this guy she liked for over a year now. She wouldn't even tell me who it was, and God knows I worked my butt off trying to find out. I still didn't know. Hearing her cackling over the phone, I groaned, running a hand through my already messed up hair.
"Come on, West. You can't expect me to not ask again who in the world this guy is. At least tell me now?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from taking on a begging tone.
"You know who it is, Adam."
There we go again. But as she spoke, an idea formed in my head. An idea for the blog.
"So, Auds, I'm going to go start on that blog now. You should catch some sleep, too."
"You seem pretty eager to start," she said, using the off tone again.
I shrugged even though she couldn't see me. "Eager to give this mystery man of yours the best friend talk."
"Hm," was her only cryptic reply. We said our goodbyes, and I painstakingly got out of bed to hunt down my laptop. Finding it in one of my unpacked boxes, I plugged the charger in and booted it up.
A slow smile spread across my face as the blogging site opened. Who said I couldn't have fun while doing this? Spread the good in the world. I typed the title in, key by key.
THE GUY RULES
Let the games begin. I thought about what Audrey would think once I forwarded the link to her and she saw it. Well, if I was going to get a girl, she better be worth it.
Girls, may the odds ever be in your favor.
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Cover by seanarturo. EDIT: Ccurrent cover by Miss @CrayonChomper ^^ ALSO, THIS STORY IS NOT R-RATED, AND WILL HAVE NO SUCH SCENES. THERE IS A LOT MORE TO 'THE GUY RULES' THAN JUST THE ROMANCE, SO PLEASE DON'T STOP READING JUST YET (: Thankyews! :)
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Adam&Audrey
Humor[Humor #184 / Romance #259] Meet Adam. A nineteen year old college freshman ready to take on the world with his best friend Audrey by his side. But when Audrey hatches a scheme for Adam to start a blog to help him lose his virginity, things start t...