Rainbow in the Darkness

Chapter 10

For the first time in my life I was happy. A great guy cared about me and was interested in me. I would finally have a normal, happy high school experience. I wish that I could finally feel safe in the school, but that would take some time. I would need to have several days without any bullying or teasing in order to feel fully safe and out of harms way.

Throughout the morning, Derrick walked me to my classes like the gentleman he is. I was sad that he wasn't able to walk me to my next class, but our classes were across the school from each other. There was no way we would both get to our classes on time if one of us walked the other to their class. We parted with sorrow, but knew we would meet back up again for lunch, so we weren't too bummed about leaving each other. Plus we kind of needed to in order to not get yelled at by our teachers.

I was walking to my next class when I saw my old best friends walking the opposite way. I hoped they would just walk past me, but why would they do that? The ex-friend that was closest to me knocked my books out of my hands while the others kicked the books down the hall. I stood there in shock, my papers and books going everywhere. I was definitely going to be late to class now. I just wanted to get to class. I didn't tease them or pick on them. I was minding my own business like every other student here, yet I was the one that was getting picked on. I know they knew my secret and were ashamed of me, but that does not give them the right to bully me. I wish I could stand up for myself, but I would never do that. I am too scared of them to do that.

I tried my best to quickly pick up my books and papers and get to class on time. I was only ten seconds late, which I was surprised. My teacher didn't even see that I came in late. She was talking to a student. Maybe today wasn't going to be that bad after all. I would just have to wait out the rest of the day to find out.

* * * * * * * * *

Derrick and I arranged to meet up at my locker and walk to our spot together, but he surprised me and greeted me outside my classroom. Before we got to my locker I could see something on it. It was another note. They just wouldn't leave me alone. I walked a little faster than Derrick hoping to stop him from seeing the note.

"I forgot a book in my locker," he said, "I'm going to quickly go get it. I'll meet you at your locker in a minute. Don't leave without me." He pecked me on the cheek and walked away from my locker. I was thankful that he forgot his book. It would give me time to go see the note and throw it out before he got back. I felt like I needed to hide their bullying from Derrick because he might do something that would make the situation worse than it already is and he would worry about me. I didn't need anyone especially him to look at me like I'm fragile and made of glass. I can and will be strong.

The note read in black pen: We are always watching, whore.

Terror ran through my body. They were starting to scare me. I didn't want them to follow me or watch me. I knew that this was not an empty threat. I knew that they were serious about this. Before Derrick came to my locker I ripped up the note and threw it in the trash. I needed to push this note to the back of my thoughts. I needed to not let them affect me especially when I have a whole hour to hang out with Derrick in ahead of me. I wouldn't let this affect me. I would think about this later when I was in the safety of my home.

Derrick came strolling up to my locker with a huge grin on his face. I could tell he was very happy and excited about our time alone.

"You are very happy," I stated.

"Well, I have a whole hour with a really pretty girl that I really like," he said, pulling me closer.

My cheeks burned with his complement. "Well I hope she likes you too," I teased, lopping my arms around his neck.

"I have a feeling she does."
"How do you know that? Has she given you the signals?"

"I just know. Plus she gets frazzled when I am touching her," he winks. "Yeah, I noticed that you can never form a thought with me close."

"Well, I can...." What can I do to him? He never seems nervous around me. I had nothing to make him lose his train of thought. Was I the only one in this relationship or whatever we are that gets frazzled around the other?

"Don't overthink, Abi. You aren't the only one to get frazzled when the other is around. But enough talking."

I bit my lip, a nervous habit I have had since I was a kid. I heard him groan in response.

"Don't do that. You look too cute when you do that and we can't get caught making out in the hallway." He wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Let's go have lunch."

I was happy to get away from my locker. I was scared that my ex-friends were watching us, but when we rounded the corner to our spot I found out that they weren't watching us at my locker. My ex-friends were sitting at the table Derrick and I sit at. They had taken my spot-our spot.

My ex-friends were laughing at my reaction. They were having fun watching me hurt. They had taken the one spot I felt safe in. They might as well have stabbed me in the chest. I was always excited to come to my spot and have sometime alone. Even when Derrick started hanging out there with me, I still felt safe. This spot would always be special to me, but now they spoiled it. Tears threatened to fall down my cheeks. I couldn't allow them to see me cry over this. It would show them that they can get to me, but they had taken the one thing that made school okay for me. I turned and walked away before they could say anything. If they would had said anything to me I would have lost it.

I didn't even check to see if Derrick was following me. I just needed to get out of there. I couldn't be that close to them after they decided to take something that was that important to me. I just kept walking and walking not realizing Derrick was trying to talk to me.

"Abi, please, talk to me," he said, trying to keep up with me. "Don't shut down." He grabbed my hand and made me stop walking. "Talk to me. Please..."

I could see that he was worried about me, but that is the last thing that I wanted. I didn't want him to worry. I didn't want to become that girl. I wouldn't become that girl.

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. It was just a stupid spot," I said, trying to sound fine. Derrick must have bought it because we didn't talk about it anymore. For me it didn't go away that easy. I wish it could just be gone with the wind, but what they did really hurt me. I was so hurt by it and the other things they have done to me that I went to go visit someone special. I went to my grandma's grave.

I sat there sitting on the cold ground looking at my grandmother's grave, not sure what to say. I didn't know where to start, so I started from the beginning.

"Hey grandma. How is it up there? Is it nice? I wish you were still here. I guess you know why I'm here, but you don't know the whole story." I told the whole story while I stared at my hands, too nervous to even look at my grandma's gravestone. I knew she would have been disappointed if she had known when she was still around, so would my parents if they ever found out.

After I told her why my ex-friends were bullying me, I sat there in silence, crying. I couldn't hold in my hurt anymore. "I'm so sorry grandma. I know you are disappointed in me. It was wrong for me to hide the pregnancy and to get an abortion, but I was so scared. And now they are all bullying me and making me feel scared where ever I am. They even took my special spot at lunch. I'm sorry for not being the granddaughter you hoped I would become. I can't even stand up for myself and show them that they don't affect me, but they do grandma. They hurt me everyday. I don't know what to do. If I tell a teacher they will just make sure that none of them are looking when they hurt me. They will probably get worse. I can't take that chance. I just can't. And now Derrick thinks I'm weak and a damsel in distress. I want to be strong grandma, I really do, but it's so hard when they keep bullying me. I don't feel safe anywhere now. Please look out for me. I love you grandma."

I was so emotionally drained from today that I stayed in my room and read until it was late enough to sleep. I couldn't take much more of everyone picking on me.