Rainbow in the Darkness

Chapter 7

            I needed to stay away from Derrick as much as I could. I, at least, couldn't go back to my spot for lunch. I couldn't face Derrick after our almost kiss. I was scared that if I went to our spot I would end up kissing him and I couldn't allow that to happen. That's why I headed to the library instead.

I spend the winter and fall months, and the rare spring days, in the library where no one can see me, the poetry section. I sit down between the stacks and write in my notebook. It dawns on me while I'm writing that my past is my past and that the future could be different if I put in the effort to make it different. I won't screw up this friendship I have with Derrick because I will put in the effort to make it last.

I think about the post-it and what it said. I need to be more confident in my actions and myself. I need to hold my head up high and be proud of myself. I need to forget what has happened in my past and start to make the present and future better than I ever would expect it to.

* * * * * * * * * *

At the end of the day, I headed to my locker in the best mood I have had in a really long time. My great mood did not last long. When I arrived at my locker I was shocked at what I saw; someone had written the word whore on my locker in red paint. I was in complete shock. I just stood there, staring. Soon the shock wore off and the anger and hurt started bubbling up. The paint was still fresh so I smeared the word enough so it wasn't legible. I would have to come back and wipe off the paint, but in that moment I just needed to get out of everyone's view.

I sprinted across campus toward my spot. People were yelling at me as I ran which caused me to run faster than I have ever run. I didn't stop to breath; I needed to get away from everyone and just be alone. I felt the tears run down my face as I ran, but I didn't stop them from falling. I just let all the sadness I felt out.

When I reached my spot, I immediately sat down and cried. Not to long after I sat down I heard someone walk closer. I didn't care who saw me at my weakest anymore; I just wanted this day to be over. The stranger didn't say anything; they sat down next to me and put their arm around me. Their cologne surrounded me. Derrick.

After realizing that it as him, I buried my head further into his chest and sobbed. I didn't care if I was supposed to stay my distance away from Derrick; at that moment I needed him. Derrick tried rubbing my back to sooth me, but nothing worked. I was an emotional wreck.

"Why me?" I mumbled into his chest, "Why me? What did I do wrong? They know what I told them doesn't have anything to do with being easy. It's the exact opposite! No one knew except for them. How is getting an abortion related to being easy and just sleeping around for fun? It was one drunken night and it was a mistake. But I was 14! I didn't know any better! I just wanted the baby out of me! I didn't want to raise a baby. I regretted aborting Jeremy right after it happened. If I could go back and change my decision I would. Maybe I should give them what they want and join Jeremy...What I did was horrible..."

Derrick let me rant and ruin his shirt without interrupting me, maybe he was shocked about what I had just told him.

"Abigail," he said in a sweet and calm voice.

My body tensed.

"Abigail, look at me."

I looked at him, scared at what might come out of his mouth. Our eyes locked. I let him see the real me and now I would find out if he would stay with me or leave me like everyone else did.