The Beloved Ones

04.

Im so tired,
but i can't sleep with these constant wandering thoughts.

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♡ Kylie Thompson ♡
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No surprise I woke up with another hang over!

I tried moving my body but I felt pain sting in like 5 different places. All the memories came back to me, and I gasped. I put my hands over my face, why am I such a fuck up? I ruined the night for my friends, and I hurt myself in the process.

The panic attack I had last night was no surprise, this usually happens. My mom and dad are always working, so it doesn't seem like they care when i have them and they don't. My brother has always been there to help me. I just wish things were the same, my mom and I used to be close but it's like she's scared of me. My own mother is scared of me, I love her, I do but it just hurts. And she knows what I've been through, I just don't know anymore. My dad is alright but he's kinda like my mom but the difference is that he's always been like that with me.

I just wanted my mommy back..

I sat on the floor, putting my face in my knees. I took a couple deep breaths before walking out of my room. I went downstairs, to see it was empty. Casual.

It was a Sunday morning, and it was just me home. Ryan probably went to go hang with his other friends, Chloe's probably at Sunday School, my mom and dad are probably working still. Who works on a Sunday?

I shake my head before I sit down. I start to make a conversation with my non existent family. I smile at how my 'mom' compliments the way my hair looks today. I knew I had gone crazy, but I just stopped caring. When did everything go wrong? I put my head in my hands and start to laugh.

I wanted to cry but I was kinda of sick of letting these unshedded tears go. Im so tired but i can't sleep with these constant wandering thoughts.

I suddenly have the need to purge, I run to the bathroom and huddle over the toilet. I stick my finger down my throat and the rest is history.

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Simmer down, simmer down
They say we're too young now to amount to anything else
But look around
We worked too damn hard for this just to give it up now

After I cleaned myself up, I brought my speaker out and started to blast music. I was currently wearing an oversized shirt and only underwear under it. So, I was now screaming the lyrics to 5SOS, and I was actually having a pretty fun time, even though I almost broke my neck a couple times..

If you don't swim, you'll drown
But don't move, honey
You look so perfect standing there
In my American Apparel underwear
And I know now, that I'm so down
Your lipstick stain is a work of art
I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart
And I know now, that I'm so down

I scream all the lyrics before I fall on my ass from trying to do 360 degree spin. I start to laugh my ass off, even though it felt like I didn't have one, and I lay on the floor and just stare up at the ceiling.

"Nice dance moves sissy." My brother winked at me. When did he get here?

"A couple minutes ago, right before I saw your epic somewhat spin. Glad I could see your fabulous dance moves." He chuckled, overing a hand. I shake my head and cross my arms over my chest.