Dont Leave Me

Nineteen

I wake up to a smiling JC who still has his eyes squinted.
"How was the sleep?" I ask. It was probably around three am.

"Good." He closes his eyes weakly.

"Rosie."

"Yeah?" I ask him.

"I love you, I don't think I'm doing good. Please do what I told you at the waterfall." I feel my eyes grow.
I press the button on the remote and JC closes his eyes and his machine starts beating fastly then slowly again.

Doctors come up and frantically remove needs, Inject some and try to help him. He doesn't move at all, I hold his hand tightly and cry. That's all I could do.

"JC please wake up." I beg and cry onto his chest.

He doesn't move. Suddenly it happens.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
I lost it. I couldn't hold it. I scream in fear, pain and hopelessness.
Tears fall like a river, a non stop one. I'd never recover from this.
Never.

*"I'm JC." He says.
"I thought you were Justin" I say confused.*

*"I'm sorry, its because I care. For some reason." JC says scratching the back of his head.*

*"hey cutie." He says casually as if he didn't just compliment me.*

*"Rosie, can you dry my hair?" He pokes his bottom lip out.*

*sorry princess, I just missed you." he chuckles.*

Any more thought would have actually killed me. I pound his chest. "JC, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME. YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T." I beg jc's lifeless body to come back.

"I'm sorry ma'am, he's gone." The doctor says putting his hand on my shoulder while the other one cuts him of life support.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stop bawling.
A couple hours later they forced me to leave. If I saw his lifeless stiffened body like that any longer I'd be sick anyways.

I cried and cried. As soon as I get home the news was already broken by not me. They look at me and I run upstairs slamming and locking the door behind me.
And JC thought I would move on.

JC. I can't even think his name.
I feel sick. Like JC was my drug and I'm without it. I'll never have my drug again. He wasn't the bad kind. He was the kind that fixed me.

I sob into my pillow and kick and scream.

I've never felt so many emotions at once.

I didn't understand. I was dying inside.

Tayler occasionally checks on me to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.
I did do something stupid but I wanted to.
I jam the razor across my arm making my arm ooze with blood.

Delilah you idiot.
If you didn't take him to the beach that day this would have never happened.
Die.

I do it to the other arm too.
I smash and slide it against my stomach and legs.
Such deep cuts, what a bloody mess.

I lay in my own pool of blood hoping to bleed out. JC was my only reason to live and he's gone.
That means....