Fill In The Blank

Eight

"Rem?" Jakob's voice was soft, as it always was, but it sounded a little bolder in the silence.

"Yeah, Jakey?" The boys were laying on Remi's bedroom floor, next to one another on a freshly washed blanket. The sky was that peculiar shade of lilac that only occurs in the wee hours of the morning.

"Can I tell you something?" Jakob reached for Remi's hand in the dark, fumbling around for a moment before finding it.

Remi laced their fingers together, turning on his side to face his friend. "Anything."

An audible breath was drawn. It was held for a moment, then was released, dissolving into words unspoken. "Can we trade secrets?"

"Sure. Me first?"

Jakob nodded gratefully, then remembered that Remi couldn't see him. "Yes, please."

"Okay." Remi paused, thinking. A silence stretched out for long enough that Jakob worried that he'd fallen asleep, then, "Once, I kissed Karrie Schaefer underneath the slide."

Jakob didn't say anything for a while, and, when he did speak, his voice seemed a little thinner. "And? How was it?"

"Really... Boring. I was waiting for some kind of nice feeling, but there wasn't one. It was dumb." Jakob let out a relieved sigh, though he wasn't sure what he was relieved of. "Now, you go."

"Um." Jakob squeezed Remi's fingers, and Remi squeezed back. "My mom isn't a nice lady." Remi snuggled a little closer, prepared to give a hug, because Jakob's voice had gotten a little throaty. "She's really strict, especially about the piano thing. When I mess up, she..."

Remi rubbed one of Jakob's arms comfortingly. "Go on. You can tell me."

"She hits me, sometimes." It was a whisper, barely a breath, but Jakob had finally, finally said it. "Never where people can see, but sometimes. Or she, um. S-she sometimes puts me in places. C-closets. For a long time, in the dark." Jakob swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry. No words were said. "Please, say something," he murmured.

"Jake." Remi pulled the other boy into a tight hug, rubbing his back gently. "I'm sorry." He pressed his face into Jakob's shoulder, unsure of what more he could offer.

"For what?"

Remi swallowed, causing another silence to settle. "For not protecting you from her. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Jakob bit his lip, trying to think of something better to say than, "I was scared". He settled on saying, "I didn't know how to," which wasn't a lie.

"I don't want you to go home anymore. Can I tell my parents?" Remi was tracing numbers on Jakob's back, trying to coax him into saying yes.

An indecisive Jakob mumbled, "No, she made me swear. I can't tell anyone, because they'll send me away to some stranger's house, and I... No." He said it like it'd been rehearsed, just reciting lines.

Remi nodded, clutching the boy tighter. "Is there anything I can do?"

Jakob shrugged. "No. Not really. Just keep doing what you're doing. You've already helped so much." He yawned, softly, pulling Remi closer than he already was. "But, I don't really wanna talk about it anymore. Let's just sleep now."

Remi nodded, pulling his fingers through Jakob's long, pale hair. It looked as though the moon had been painted into the strands; it was so light that it was almost white. Jakob hummed, pecking Remi's cheek. He mumbled something close to a goodnight, and Remi returned it. The boys drifted to sleep in one another's arms.

***

Remi started to notice little things about Jakob. The way he'd always hold his breath when he had to go into a small space, his flinches whenever anyone raised a hand above waist level, the brief, frightened look in his eyes whenever he saw a brownish-green SUV.