Fill In The Blank

Fourteen

"Remi?" It was Valentine's Day, and Jakob was hiding his jittery hands in too small pockets, staring at the popular table and feeling like he didn't belong.

"Hm? Oh, Jake! Hey, how's it going?" Remi, taller, broader, better looking, looked up from his lunch table. A girl hung off of his arm, staring at the side of his face fondly, and the rest of the populars stared at Jakob like a grass stain on a pair of new white shoes.

"N-not bad. Um, can I talk to you for a second?" Jakob tried to look like he'd grown at least an inch since fifth grade.

"Oh, yeah, for sure." Remi looked to his left, murmured something akin to "see you later, babe", and pecked her lips lightly. It threw Jakob back to that day, the willow tree, the last time he'd kissed Remi.

He ignored it decidedly, the way he'd been ignoring it since they'd started eighth grade and Remi had gotten more attractive to everyone for no reason at all. Jakob lead Remi out into the hallway, fingers wandering along the seams of lockers. When they stopped walking, he said, "So, um, we haven't really talked in a while." Since the week after the funeral, in fact, but Jakob didn't say that.

"Yeah, I know! Life's been kinda crazy lately, and I've had so much to do," Remi grinned. Jakob mentally rolled his eyes, wondering what exactly Remi'd had to do; be class president and go to birthday parties?

Outside of his mind, he put on an understanding smile. "That's okay. I've just-- I've missed you, that's all." Once he said it, Jakob wanted to stuff the words back into his mouth, hide his feelings in his throat.

Remi's eyes expanded into saucers. "Oh. Like, in a friend way?"

No, you idiot, Jakob wanted to scream, Like in a lay in your living room and hold hands and share secrets kind of way. Like in an I'll hold you when you're scared and kiss you in the dark kind of way. In an I kinda love you kind of way. The way we used to be.

"Yeah. Like, in a friend way."

Remi smiled, put an arm around Jakob's shoulders. "Okay. Then, let's eat together. I haven't even introduced you to Darlene, yet! She's my girlfriend. You'll love her."

Without thinking about it, Jakob wrenched his arm out of Remi's, wished he hadn't done it before he's finished doing it. "Your friends don't want to eat with me, Rem. Trust me."

Remi stood in the center of the hallway, shiny new shoes on the old blue carpet, looking confused. "Why not?"

Jakob gulped, fingering the pockets of his jeans, debating whether or not he should keep talking. "They tease me about everything. They look at me weird, ask me invasive questions, and I don't belong there, with them." With their freshly starched smiles and their cute little button noses, with their picture perfect families and PTA moms. Something behind Jakob's eyes had broken, and he couldn't quite look at Remi any more. "I don't want to meet your girlfriend, and I'm really sorry. Just. Never mind. Forget that I even came to your lunch table today. I'm sorry."

He pushed past Remi, jogging a little so that his old friend wouldn't see the tears in his eyes. The fact that they were no longer close enough to cry together hit him hard, made the sobs more intense, made him run faster. He heard someone call him a baby, didn't care. He ran until he reached the men's restroom, folded himself small up on top of the toilet, and locked the cubicle door.

Jakob took out the hand made Valentine in his pocket and tore it into small pieces, watched the red flakes float listlessly in the water. He stayed there for the rest of the day.

***

That evening, Jakob heard the front door open. This was strange because his aunt was out on a date with some coworker, but he didn't think much of it. Instead, he crunched himself into a discarder paper ball, hid himself underneath the covers. He felt the same way that he'd felt just after the funeral, like he couldn't stand to have another person breathing his air for another second.

You can imagine his alarm when someone crawled into bed with him, settling behind him. Jakob thrashed, nearly pushing his body off of the bed, beat on the chest of the intruder.

"Hush, hush, it's me. Remi." Jakob stopped moving, mortified. "I just wanted to come hang out. Is that okay?" Jakob nodded slowly, turning so that his back was to Remi. Remi cuddled against Jakob, coaxing his knees away from his chest with gentle fingers, wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him closer. "So, there's something I wanted to discuss."

"Okay," Jakob said, a cautious tint to his words. "What is it?"

"Do you remember that day? Your mom's funeral, and the willow tree?"

Jakob squeezed his eyes shut, dread pooling in his stomach. "Yeah, I remember that. You didn't talk to me much after that day."

Remi set his head on Jakob's. "I didn't know what to say." A silence settled that might have been comfortable if not for the subject at hand. "Why did you kiss me?"

Jakob swallowed nothing, wishing his mouth wasn't so dry. "Because I wanted to feel something. And because you were there, and I was so, so glad that you were there. I did it because I wanted to, too. To see how it would feel to finally do it." Jakob opened his eyes, stared at the wall opposite him, and waited for the backlash. It didn't come.

Instead, Remi tangled their legs together, pushed his lips against Jakob's neck, and Jakob gasped, stiffened. "Rem! What are you doing?" He was trying to process the fact that Remi wasn't upset with him, but he couldn't think past his heated lips, his wandering hands, his strong arms, this moment.

"Everything. Being. Belonging with you. Just like I always have. Like I always should." He pressed another kiss just behind Jakob's ear, trailing his lips to the back of his neck. Jakob felt his skin warming, thankful for the cover of darkness.

"B-but--" Jakob's sentence sputtered to a stop, halting when Remi began paying more attention to a specific spot near his nape. He took a shuddering hum of a breath, trying to muster the will to protest, all the while tilting his head to give Remi better access. "God, Rem. Hold on. What about Darla?"

A sharp pause in movement allowed Jakob to catch his breath. "Darlene doesn't need to know about this. She doesn't matter right now. This is about you and me."

Jakob turned around before his neck could be attacked again, pushed his palms flat against Remi's chest. "Remi, I don't want you to regret this tomorrow or the next day--"

"I won't." Remi kissed Jakob, fumbling with his hands until they were sat comfortably on his hips. "You're all there is for me, okay, love?"

Love. The word sent Jakob into a blushing mess again. "Y-yeah, okay. You sure?"

"Of course. I won't be so distant, I promise."

And so it was. The next day at school, Remi "ran into" Jakob between nearly every class, gave hello hugs, sometimes snuck a kiss in the quieter hallways. He sat at the table adjacent to the popular one with his friend, holding his hand under the tabletop when he was certain that no one was looking. Darlene broke up with him in a jealous rage; Remi laughed and said he never liked her that much anyways. He was always standing too close, looking too closely, and Jakob loved it.

Jakob felt like, for the first time in a while, things were looking up.

A/N: So.... Conflicts somewhat resolved for now! Yay! Also, they kiss and stuff now. Yay! The next chapter or two will be so fluffy you'll die.

I'm strung out on painkillers, so please excuse any mistakes floating around here, okay?

Vote if you enjoyed! Leave a comment if you want!

xx