Fill In The Blank

Sixteen (II)

"Why are you so insistent that we come out?"

Jakob blinked, freezing in the act of folding an old t-shirt. "I didn't realize that I was being pushy about it. I'm sorry." He had only brought it up twice in the past three months, both in late night talks that hadn't been meant to be so serious.

Remi let out a long sigh, leaning back in the desk chair that he'd claimed. "I just don't get why it's such a big deal. Why it can't wait."

"It's not a big deal," Jakob mumbled, moving on to a pair of shorts. "It's just... A thing. The next step forward, I guess. It can wait, it's just kinda exciting." He didn't want to have this conversation today, not ever. He had just wanted to have a nice, relaxing evening with Remi. It was too cold outside to argue today.

"I don't see why we should have to come out ever. I mean, we aren't even really dating, are we?" It was a careless slip, and a stinging remark. Remi knew it, knew that he shouldn't be so defensive, but he didn't take it back.

Jakob set the shorts aside with wobbly hands, focusing on breathing evenly in the heated quiet that followed. He closed his eyes for a moment, composing his mind. He would not let this escalate any further. "No. I suppose we aren't," Jakob says, aiming to sound neutral but landing a bit short. He picked up a pair of socks.

Remi simply looked at the other boy. "That doesn't bother you?" He said it curiously, casually, but something prowled in his voice with sharp intention.

"O-of course it bothers me, Rem. I want to know that I'm yours, and you're mine, and all that. But, it's true, we aren't dating. I won't deny it." Jakob took a breath, feeling as though he handled the question well. "Why?"

Remi frowned a bit. "You only want to be dating me for the exclusivity? That seems a bit... I don't know, shallow, don't you think?"

Jakob inhaled deeply, holding it in. He wished he could see what was going on in Remi's head. "I don't really think it's shallow, just a commitment. And, we aren't really missing anything except the exclusivity thing, are we? Why are you asking all of these questions? What's going on?"

As Jakob approached Remi, the latter stood and moved away. "What do you mean? I just wanted to know why you wanted to out us so badly."

Jakob continued getting closer, arms outstretched. "You're acting real weird. Like, you're kinda freaking me out. Just come here, sit down, and we ca--"

"Stop it! Stop acting like you're so damn understanding!" Jakob flinched, cursed himself for flinching. He wrapped his arms around his torso instead, eyes on the floor. He wished Remi would stop yelling. "You keep trying to get us out in the public, just prodding at it all the time, trying to hold my hand or cuddle up to me. And now you wanna act all confused about why I'm annoyed. Just stop it." His voice was too loud, his tone too accusing, and Jakob just wanted to hide.

Remi had never raised his voice at him before.

"I'm s-sorry," Jakob whispered. His hands tried to clamp themselves over his ears, but he forced them back down. "Please, s-stop yelling. I'm sorry."

Remi's eyes widened when he realized what he'd done. "Oh, crap." He reached for his friend, stepping forward. "Jakey, wait, I didn't--"

Jakob flinched away from his hand, curling in on himself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered, hands succeeding in attaching to the sides of his head this time.

Remi pulled his hand away quickly, ran a hand through his hair, then crouched down next to Jakob. He slowly placed a hand on his back, rubbing slow circles. "I'm really sorry, love. I didn't mean to yell. I shouldn't have even raised my voice, I just couldn't help it." He wasn't entirely sure that Jakob could hear him.