Fill In The Blank

Twelve

The air swirled around the small gathering of people in a chilly, angry way. It looked like the sky might pour rain at any second, but had decided not to yet. Everything looked a little grey that day: the grass, the gravestones, the pastor's freshly pressed necktie.

Jakob stood solemnly to the man's right, one hand hanging limply by his side, the other captured in Remi's. Jakob hadn't cried yet, which made him feel worse than his mother's death already did.

He seemed thinner then, hollows in his cheeks, shoulders hunched against the wind. His hair and skin were paler than before, and he looked like, if Remi weren't holding him down, he might blow away. He still had bruises on his arms from the last time his mother was well enough to hurt him.

Remi looked at Jakob, squeezing his hand. Jakob glanced up, trying on a small, sad smile, and squeezed back.

A few of Jakob's family members were gathered around the casket as well, but there weren't many of them. Only an aunt here, a nephew there. None of his dad's side of the family had shown up.

When the preacher asked if anyone had any words to say, Jakob stayed as silent as everyone else. The woman who had died didn't deserve the prayers and blessings that the pastor was reading from the Bible, and everyone present knew it. Jakob left before the casket was even fully hidden beneath the earth, tugging Remi by the arm away from the dreary crowd of funeral-goers. No one followed them.

A soft spattering of rain decorated the back of Jakob's velvet coat, beading into small pearls of reflected light, and it made Remi want to sob a little. Once they reached a willow tree, bowing to the wind, Jakob stopped walking so fast. He folded himself underneath the tree, Remi following him. Jakob didn't say anything, Adam's apple bobbing, playing with Remi's hand, studying it intensely.

After a moment, his watery green eyes met Remi's brown ones. They stared at one another for what seemed like a very long time, and Jakob leaned forward, pressing his lips to Remi's.

Remi was unsure of what to do, this being his first kiss, but he moved his lips a bit like they did in the movies. After a moment, though, he mostly let Jakob take the reins. He enjoyed the feeling of closeness, the warmth that the kiss brought, the shelter from the cold rain, even though he didn't know what he was doing. Jakob just wanted to feel something, anything, other than the numbness. He wasn't disappointed.

Pulling away, Jakob swiped at the thin spider string of saliva connecting their lips with a pink tongue. He sighed and curled into Remi's chest. Remi swallowed, knowing that now wouldn't be the time to ask what the kiss meant, still unsure of whether he really liked it or not, stroking Jakob's hair.

"Is it bad that I'm not sad that she's gone?"

The first words that Jakob had spoken all day seemed to open a jar that maybe would have been better off staying closed. He began to keen into Remi's chest, clutching his ears with shaky hands, squeezing his eyes shut, and Remi caught a glimpse of the first day they'd met.

Remi gently removed Jakob's hands from the sides of his head, wincing at the marks left there. He held the other boy close, rocked him back and forth gently.

"No. It's okay," he whispered, and Jakob clung to him in an injured, desperate way, sobbing uncontrollably. He trembled, whether from the cold or something else, Remi wasn't sure. Jakob leaned up for another kiss, and Remi let him, kissed him back, though the act still sent a wary spike of nerves through his chest. "Jake-"

"Please. Just... Let me be in this moment. We can talk about it later."

Remi stared into Jakob's teary eyes, then nodded. "Okay. Later, then." They remained underneath the willow tree until some family member was sent to get them.

Neither knew that later would be a longer time coming than they thought.

A/N: A sadder, shorter chapter. They'll vary in length depending on what's going on, I think. This part felt like a short chapter to me.

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