Fill In The Blank

Nineteen

Remi sat at his dining table on Thanksgiving feeling distressed. His girlfriend, Alice, rested her hand on his right knee to keep it from jiggling the table with its bouncing. The longer he was at the table with her, the clearer it became that she just wasn't Jakob.

From the moment he'd stepped through the door with her, all of his family members had made certain that he was aware of this. When Remi introduced her as his lover, his parents had said, "Oh," glanced at one another, and tried to smile. His mom asked where Jakob was, to which Remi smiled and said, "I don't know, maybe at his own Thanksgiving dinner for once."

They'd stopped talking about him after that.

His aunt had asked where Jakob was, referring to him as "that charming boy, you know, the fruity one". Remi sighed, shook his head, and introduced her to his girlfriend. When they said grace and went around the table saying things that they were thankful for, Jakob's usual sappy, long-winded, heartfelt message to his family was replaced by a simple, "I'm thankful for my boyfriend, Remi, and the chance to see his family."

Remi would've sworn that his uncle was going to have a heart attack with the way his eyes bulged. Alice didn't compliment Aunt Janice's bread pudding the way Jakob did, didn't take extra time to listen to Remi's great uncle Seamus' war stories. She didn't go and play with Sammy and Tate, Remi's twin nephews; she didn't wink at their older sister, Phoebe, who was twelve and had a massive crush on Jakob.

She just sat quietly, eating only a small amount of turkey and stuffing, holding Remi's hand underneath the table.

Remi hated it. He hated how separate and anti-social she was being, pinning him down to his chair with the hand resting on his knee. He hated that she wasn't starting secret footsie wars during grace when it got too long and irrelevant.

He missed Jakob, wanted him to show up. He prayed that Thanksgiving wishes were a real thing, crossed his fingers behind his back.

The doorbell rang.

Remi, startled, heard Jakob's aunt long before he saw her. "Quick, switch seats with me and scoot down two," he whispered to Alice.

"Why?"

Because you're in Jakob's seat. "To make room for our new guests."

Jakob walked into the dining room, holding his aunt's hand. He let go of her to give one of Remi's oldest aunts a kiss on the cheek, fist bumped Sammy and Tate, nodded at Uncle Seamus. He smiled directly at Phoebe, waved to Remi's parents, then his eyes landed on Remi himself.

Remi held his breath, tried to look agreeable. Jakob just sat in his usual seat, ignoring him as best he could from two inches away. Alice tapped Remi's knee.

"I'm gonna go to the restroom, okay? I'll be back."

Remi nodded, not paying very much attention to her. Once she'd left, he slowly layed a hand on Jakob's thigh, the way they had all through senior year of high school anytime they were in public and had the convenient privacy of a tabletop.

Jakob shot him a warning look, but didn't do much else, even when Remi began tapping his fingers along the inner seam of Jakob's jeans. However, when Remi's hand started massaging its way upward towards Jakob's belt, Jakob put his hand on top. Remi looked at Jakob's profile, took in his reddened cheeks, the way he kept clearing his throat, and couldn't tell if he was angry or flustered.

Deciding to push his luck, Remi did the one thing that drove Jakob completely insane. He reached his arm around the back of his chair, and began stroking his neck. Jakob tried to ignore the sensation, masking his gasp as a hiccup, biting down on his lower lip.

"Remi. Quit it," he hissed softly, obviously trying to be angry and having a hard time focusing on it.

Remi pouted. "I will, if you stop acting so weird towards me. I get it, we..." Remi glanced around the table, before saying, "Broke up. But, you're still my best friend."

Jakob huffed, crossed his arms. "Yeah, but you've got a girlfriend. And I'm kind of seeing someone."

Remi leaned forward flirtatiously, eyeing Jakob. "And?"

Jakob rolled his eyes. "And I plan on being a better boyfriend than you were. So, stop flirting with me." He pushed Remi's hands away, turned to face away from him decidedly. At that moment, Alice decided to return from her bathroom break, leaning towards her boyfriend.

"Babe, can we go home? I'm kinda tired..." She pressed herself against him, whining a little, as though that would help convince him. Remi saw his uncle shake his head from the corner of his eye, and he sighed.

"Go sit in the car, yeah? I'll meet you there." Alice pouted, doing as he said. He turned to Jakob, dropped his voice to a whisper. "Listen, I know I've been an ass. Like, the worst. I do know that, and I'm sorry. But... I love you, you know? If I could go back, I'd come out that first day a thousand times over. I miss you. I just want it to be Jakob and Remi like it's always been. I want us to be us again." Remi licked his lips anxiously. "Alice has to go back to Chicago for Christmas. I'm not going with her. Maybe we can meet up?"

Jakob doesn't say anything for a moment, just tilts his head to the side. Then, he murmurs, "Maybe. We'll see."

Remi nods, grateful, and keeps himself from acting on impulse and pressing a kiss to Jakob's cheek. "Okay. That's all I could really ask for. Thank you." He stood, pushing his chair back, and made his way around the table, telling people goodbye.

His parents were last. His father just hugged him close, briefly, slapped him on the back, and gave him a nod. His mother, though, stood and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm glad that he came," she whispered.

Remi smiled. "Me too."

"He's a keeper. Don't let him get away, alright?" With that, she released her son, giving him a quick wink.

Remi blushed and made his way out of the door.

***

Jakob sat in Remi's empty bathtub, hugging the phone to his ear. The sounds of post-dinner mingling emanated from the vents in the floor. "Jamal, I know, love. I get that this sucks, and I'm really sorry. I just... I need him, too." A long pause. "I know that, but you yourself said that this was just for fun, remember? No real strings attached." Jakob ran his fingers through his hair, sighing softly. "Listen, I know, I know that it meant a lot. It did to me, too. But, you know how it is with him. I can't control myself." He listened to the voice on the other end of the receiver, then gave a small, rueful smile. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I love you," Jamal murmured, his voice crackling with emotion.

Jakob stayed on the phone a little longer, then quickly ended the call. He dropped his head into his hands, curling himself up into a small ball.

"I love you, too."

A/N:

Okay. So, here's the next update... I'm kinda liking how it turned out. Sorta bittersweet, yes? I did want more Jamal, though... He was fun to write. Maybe I'll write him a little short story of his own haha. Would anyone read it?

Also, there are only a few chapters left in this story, which is exciting! It's probably only gonna go for 3 or 4 more if things go to plan.

Thanks for reading! I love you.

xx