Fill In The Blank

Eighteen (I)

The ride to the college was quiet, save for the radio playing too quietly to tell what kind of music was playing. Remi was drumming on the steering wheel of his old Jeep, whistling to the tune in the air, sunglasses perched on his nose, hiding his eyes. Jakob was sitting in the passenger seat, pretending not to stare at his boyfriend, framed by afternoon light and late summer air.  Remi's curls were fluttering lightly in the breeze, like the wings of birds, and Jakob wanted to smooth them down.

"You ready for college?" Remi turned his head to the right a bit, taking in the boy next to him. "I know you were a little nervous before, about the distance from home."

You are my home. "I was, but now it's not so bad," Jakob murmured, wishing that he could run his fingers through Remi's hair. The space between the car seats felt like a canyon. "I'm a little excited."

Remi nodded, focused on turning on his blinker and merging into another lane. Jakob wished that he didn't have to look so damn attractive when he drove, settled back into the seats a little more.

When they'd left, Remi's parents and Jakob's aunt had thrown them a tiny going away party. There'd been a small cake with pale blue frosting and sad little white flowers on it. Farewell, it said, in white cursive letters. The tone was too somber for Jakob's liking, too unhappy. Weren't new beginnings supposed to be cheerful? His aunt had cried, and he hadn't expected it. He hadn't known what to do, so he'd just hugged her and rubbed her back, rocking her side to side. Remi had made eye contact with him across the room, looking a little teary himself.

Everyone was so sad about Remi and Jakob going away, Jakob thought. He didn't understand why it was so hard to leave, to let go. He hoped his aunt wasn't upset at him for leaving when he could have gone to a closer school.

Remi's hand crossed the median to rest on top of Jakob's. "Babe, stop thinking so much. You're gonna bust a vein or something. Relax." He stroked Jakob's hand with the pad of his thumb, biting his lip.

He was trying not to look worried, Jakob could tell. He felt bad for stressing the boy he loved out, so he said, "I'm sorry," and it felt too serious. So, he turned up the radio, focused on the sunshine blasting into his eyes from the windshield. He wondered why sunsets needed to be so intensely bright. After a few minutes of silence, he said, "Do you think we'll see one another often?"

Remi hummed, arms flexing as he turned the steering wheel. "It's hard to say. Like, with the difference in our majors and everything." Jakob pouted, and Remi laughed. "I don't know what you expected. I'm pretty sure the History geeks and the Design majors don't kick it that much."

Jakob sighed, playing with Remi's fingers. "I know that. But, they aren't us. I want to see you as much as I do now." Remi opened his mouth, and Jakob quickly cut him off. "I know it's unrealistic. I just... Don't want you to forget about me."

Remi rolled his eyes, turning off of the highway. "I won't forget you, Jake. You've been my number one since I was five." He then glanced at his phone. "We're almost there."

Jakob felt knots of unease building in his stomach, ran a hand through his hair. "I think I lied. I'm still nervous."

"You'll be alright. I'll be right there with you. Besides, you might make some friends."

"I don't make friends. I've literally never had a friend that isn't you, Remi, not really, oh God, why am I just now realizing this?!" Jakob's voice got faster, his breathing doing the same, until the words were just launching themselves out of his mouth. He brought his legs to his chest and tried to remember how to breathe.

Remi pulled the car over, though Jakob didn't notice, and undid his seatbelt. Reaching over the center console with his upper body, he pulled Jakob against him. "Hey, hey, love. It's okay. Everything will be fine."