Her last Letters

Is it too much to ask for?

Annabelle Grins

Hello love. Yepps it's me writing a letter to me. I know this sounds like I have lost my mind but that's not far away from the truth.

Indeed, I have lost my mind along with lots of other things.

I feel sorry that we never got what we craved for the most.

I remember waking up till late waiting for Mum to come to my room and give me a goodnight kiss like she did to Shanny.

I remember the disappointment flooding over me when I realized that once again my parents forgot to pick me up from school when Shanaya was absent.

I remember the feeling of loneliness that spread in me on the eve of Christmas when everyone else had gone to the formal party leaving me all alone as I wasn't pretty enough to go there.

I remember the times I ceased to exist in my family. Yet every year, I thought that things were going to change. For 17 years, I waited to see my parents- the ones who care for me too.

I remember all those times I tried to be a true friend to Nancy.

I remember the pinch of jealousy I felt every time she left me for some other friend of hers.

I used to think that things will change and she will value me. For years I spent every day hoping for the same.

I remember how Zia used to act like I'm the one guilty every time Alice felt bad and I tried to comfort her.

I remember the hurt that coursed through me when she promised to be there but she vanished in thin air.

I thought that she will come back. Till today, I waited for her to turn around and take me back.

I vividly remember all those moments when I sacrificed my happiness for Alice's smiles.

I can relive all those memories where I made fun of myself just because it made my friend laugh.

I remember the pain that consumed me when she didn't try even once to stop me from fading away from her life.

Every night I waited for a phone call that would make things okay. All I wanted to hear was that she cared for me truly.

You know, Belle, I miss you.

Why did I change? I should've been oblivious like you once were.

If only I was oblivious and immersed in my own bubble, none of this would have happened. I would never have felt any of this happen.

It's my fault I started expecting things in return of what I gave. Like how did I even think I will be rewarded with love from my friends when even my family couldn't afford to give me some?

Expectations lead to broken hearts. If only I remembered it more often.

I'm sorry Belle. I am the only one at fault. It must have been me who was wrong from the start else why did I get so much shit to handle?

You get what you deserve, right? I know you are curious as to what I did which made me deserve such shit.

Answer, I don't know.

I don't know where I went wrong.

Even after all this I cared for my parents. I love my sister. And till now I cared for my friends too.

I never made fun of anyone. I tried to help as many people as possible even if I only got hate in return.

I kept my nose away from people's business. I never broke a heart- not intentionally at least.