The Bastard's Wife (On-Going)

Chapter Ten: Better Off Without Me

Chapter Ten: Better Off Without Me

-Riley-

September 14, 2015

Aligaga akong naghahanda ng pagkain para mamaya. Today is our fourth month as a married couple. Wala sa sarili akong napangiti. I promised her that we will celebrate it. It's our first time to celebrate a monthsary. I told her to just not go to work today but she still insisted. Inihanda ko ang lahat sa back garden ng bahay. A candle light dinner. I really hope she'll love this.

Napatingin naman ako sa relo ko. It's already 5:30 pm. Kabado naman akong napatitig sa lamesa. Then I noticed that something's missing. There's no wine in the table! Nagmamadali naman akong nagtungo sa basement para kumuha. But before that, the maid called me. There's someone who's looking for me, initusan ko naman siyang asikasuhin muna iyon.

Muli akong napatingin sa relo. It's 5:40, I still got twenty minutes. Nagmamadali kong hinanap ang paboritong red wine ni Audrey. When I found it ay napangiti ako. I hope this night will end well. Agad akong lumabas ng basement at isinarado iyon. Malawak ang ngiti kong habang naglalakad pabalik sa back garden. Nang makarating ako sa kusina ay nakita ko si Audrey na nakatingin sa labas ng back garden. Nang lumingon siya sa akin ay umiiyak ito. Agad na napawi ang ngiti ko at napakunot-noo. What happened to her?

"You bastard son of a bitch! How could you do this, huh? Just to fucking spite me?! Well guess what? You already did so many times and every time you're doing it, it's breaking me little by little until there's none left! I hope your damn happy now."

Napanganga ako sa kanya. I didn't do anything to hurt her again! Napatingin naman ako doon sa may back garden. There I saw Candice sitting at the table outside. Muli kong binalingan si Audrey para magpaliwanag pero agad niya akong tinalikuran at tumakbo papaakyat ng hagdan. Agad kong inilapag sa may lamesa ang bote ng wine at tsaka siya hinabol. Naabutan ko siya at tsaka hinablot ang kanyang braso. Napalingon siya sa akin, matalim ko naman siyang tinitigan. She just accused me without letting me explain.

"You kept assuming things and you didn't even let me explain first! Pinagbigyan na kita na subukan natin 'to dahil sawa na akong makipagtalo sayo! You just saw a woman sitting there and you assume that there's something happened again!" Hiyaw ko sa kanya. The moment I realized what I just told her, parang may bumara sa lalamunan ko. I didn't mean it, honey. I'm sorry.

"I've been assuming things so now why do you care?! You never cared, Riley! And please do you think that I'm that dumb not to think there's nothing happened here? What are you, a saint?! No, because you're a bastard man-whore!" Sigaw niya pabalik. I tried to grab her arm to get her to listen to me but she struggled with my hold and she slipped into my hands. I tried to grab her back but I was too late. 

"Audrey!" I screamed her name. No...

I stood frozen as I watched her fall down the stairs. What the fuck did I do? I just... I didn't... I didn't mean for this to happen. Then I saw blood. A lot of blood. Her blood. Nanginginig at nagmamadali ko siyang nilapitan. I held her hand. Bigla namang sumulpot ang maid at si Candice. I heard them gasp. Nangangatog kong hinawakan ang ulo niya.

"I'm so sorry, honey. Please wake up. W-wake up, honey..."

She didn't move. Not even her eyes. Come on, Audrey. I didn't mean it. Please...

"We have to get her to the hospital. I'll call an ambulance." I heard Candice said. Hindi ko siya pinansin. Ramadan ko ang mainit na likido na tumutulo sa aking mga mata. Pakiramdam ko ay may pumipiga sa puso ko. Sinapo ko naman ang ulo niya at ipinatong sa kandungan ko at tsaka siya niyakap. Bigla namang sumigaw si Candice.

"Riley! Don't move her! Why did you move her?!" Hiyaw niya. Napatitig naman ako sa kanya. I didn't know! I just want to hold my wife! "Just don't move her again! Alright?"

Tumango ako. Muli kong tinitigan si Audrey. Don't leave me, please. I'm so sorry.

Ilang saglit lang ay may mga dumating. They put her in a gurney. Lahat sila ay nagmamadali. Ako naman ay nakasunod lang sa kanila. I want to hold my wife. Agad rin nilang isinakay si Audrey sa loob ng sasakyan. Pumasok rin ako at wala namang pumigil sa akin. I just kept holding her hand. Wala akong pakialam sa paligid ko. Ang buong atensyon ko ay na kay Audrey lang. Please God, don't take her away from me. I beg you.

Nang makarating kami sa ospital ay agad nilang isinugod si Audrey sa emergency room. They didn't let me in inside with her. There's someone who kept asking me what happenned pero hindi ko iyon pinansin. I need to be with her. I want to see her, but I can't. Umiiyak akong umupo sa gilid ng ER. I don't know what I'm gonna do if I ever lose her. I can't lose her now. I love her...

May tumabi sa akin. It's Candice. Muli lang akong tumingin sa kawalan. It's been hours. Hindi pa lumalabas ang doktor.

"You need to go home, Riley. Puno ka ng dugo. You need to wash up.." Wika nito sa akin. I didn't answer her. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

"I don't want to leave her here alone. She needs me here."

"We'll come back. You just have to clean up then I'll drive you back here if you want." Pilit nito sa akin. Tumango na lang ako at tsaka sumama sa kanya.

I was ready to leave and go back to the hospital when Candice came up to me and kissed me. Agad ko naman siyang itinulak papalayo sa akin.

"What, Riley? Come on, you're wife's not here." Saad nito at tsaka muling lumapit. Pinigilan ko naman siya agad.

"Just get lost, Candice. I don't need you." Sabi ko sa kanya. Napatunganga siya sa sinabi ko. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagsimula nang maglakad papalabas.

"Well, she won't need you either. Do you think after this, she will still love you?! No! She will hate you! She'll loathe you!" Sigaw niya. Napahinto naman ako sa sinabi niya. No... Audrey said she loves me. My wife loves me. "She's not gonna love you anymore. She won't even want to see you. She'll despise you."

Bigla ko siyang hinarap at tsaka mariing hinawakan sa magkabilang braso.

"Bawiin mo ang mga sinabi mo! My wife loves me! She loves me!" Hiyaw ko sa kanya. Napangisi naman siya.

"Are you sure? Why do I hear like you're convincing yourself? You know deep down, she's not gonna take you back. That was the last straw. After what you did to her, there's no way she'll love you ever again."

Umurong bigla ang dila ko. I feel like my heart is in my throat. That's not true. No...

"But don't worry, I'm here. We can be together again. Just like before. You and me... We can be happy again." Malambing niyang sabi. Umiling naman ako. Binitawan ko siya at tsaka tinalikuran at iniwan.

She's right. Audrey wouldn't want to see me again. She'll hate me. Pakiramdam ko ay para akong unti-unting pinapatay. I've put her through so much pain already. I made so many mistakes and she's not gonna forgive me ever again. She's not gonna love me again. I'll just love her from afar. The least thing I could do for her is to leave. She's better off without me.

Ivy.

(Not proofread.)

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