baby i ➵ royce

Ch. 2 - On My Own.

After seeing Ashton stepping off the bus and jetting to the front porch, I decided tell one of my friends that I call back later and opened the door so Ashton can come and relax inside. She entered in, closing the door with a smile plastered on her face. I can’t wait to hear about her first day. It’s totally seems like she stuck in a happy moment since forever now.

“So how was your day, sweetheart?” I asked as I’m picking up her weight, holding her securely in my right arm.

“It was good!” Ashton said in an excited tone. “I didn’t wanna go back home.”

“Oh, really?”

I never heard a child saying that they enjoyed school so much that they didn’t want to come back home. Well, I’m understanding that because this is Ashton's first year and I’m proud that she want to enjoy it...for now. When she get older, she will highly become like me when I had to deal with school; by didn’t feel like getting up real early to go to a place that’s boring and uninteresting as hell.

“Yeah. Now can I have some candy?” She asked.

“Sure,” I approved as we begin making a trip to the kitchen. “But I’m still not giving you any chocolate.”

“Okay,” She said. “Where’s mommy?”

When she asked that question, I was becoming frozen. This isn’t the first time she asks but I still become froze. I just hate to give her the same answer, but in my perspective, she still isn’t old enough to know about death and how death can bring you into the afterlife.

Since we’re speaking about her mother that's my girlfriend Lauryn, her life got confiscated in a fatal car accident on a snowy day. I was attending to a college nearby so I was living with my mom. Lauryn couldn’t attend to a college, because the fact she was tied down to infant, but growing up as a toddler Ashton. Before the fatal accident, she was coming to pick up Ashton on a Sunday cold afternoon. I was allow to only keep Ashton on the weekends because that was our deal to let her know that I’ll never regret anything. On my way to my house, there was excessive, dangerous ice on the roads that caused her constantly swerve and stumble in a deep ditch. I gave Lauryn the message that it’s best for her to let Ashton stay until everything is in the clear, but I just don’t know why she wasn’t listening.

If I confess this to Ashton right here and now, she will most likely break down crying until all her tears is all emptied. All because of Lauryn only lasted in her life for eleven months and she don’t even remember seeing her face in person. She only see her appearance in pictures.

I sat Ashton on the marble counter where the snack cabinet is located so I can repeat my message again.

“Like I said Ashton, I don’t know where she is,” I mentioned in a serious tone. “And I don’t have anything to contact her. So, I’m really sorry.”