It's Jacob or me

Guilty concience

Time seemed to almost stand still, there was no convocation between the pair, leaving the world passing on by.

There was the all too familiar tension building in the room, as neither one of them could form the words they desperately wanted to say to each other.

Connie decided to remove herself from the bed ;leaving Jacob to watch in awe of her , as she walked off into the ensuite before shutting the bathroom door ,without taking a second look back to the bed - as she knew he was watching her.

Deciding to give her some space, he too left her bedroom , and walked down the wooden stairs to the kitchen.

Pulling a bar stool to sit on , whilst the kettle boiled and toast popped out of the toaster , he gathered his morning thoughts.

It wasn't long before they were interrupted by the floor boards creaking, coming from upstairs, Upon hearing the movement from upstairs he reluctantly left his seat and started walking towards the toaster.

Just as Jacob had finished putting the Jam on his and Connies toast he heard the stool screeching , along the tiled floor. He placed her coffee and toast down on the counter before looking up to her eyes, and seeing the upset which he had caused. Her eyes were red,making it evident that she had been crying. His heart shattered as he realised he had now added to her pain in which she was already facing.

'I'm sorry Connie' the words fell from his mouth almost instantly.

She let out a deep huff , yet again she was in the same position, she had been in many times before. she didn't want to be angry at him , yet she couldn't help but feel betrayed.

He spoke again continuing on from his last statement' I really am, I do want to be with you but they're short staffed and' he stopped, she wasn't listening she wasn't even looking up at him , she was staring blankly into her mug of black coffee. Prising her hand away from holding the mug he took her hand in his before continuing once again' I know your cross , I would be too, but I wanted to make the morning we had together special, before I went into work later ,please, Connie ' frustration building as he spoke.

'You don't seem to understand Jacob' was all she was willing to say she couldn't say anymore; the words would just not come out.

'Understand what Connie? ' he relaxed slightly as she had finally spoken but what ever she was about to say next made him worry slightly . Lifting an eyebrow showing his curiosity he didn't want to say anything else so he bit his lip and waited for her to hopefully speak again.

Her words were barely audible as she seemed to mumble ' I feel guilty '. She could see his expression trying to understand what she had said and attempting to work out what she had to feel guilty about. She spoke louder this time 'I feel guilty for the way I've treated you' she looked at his expression trying to read his mind to fathom what he was thinking but she couldn't.

'But con you've got nothing to be guilty for ... It should be me needing to explain myself ... For letting you down'

'Will you let me finish ... Please !' She said abruptly which startled herself and Jacob and the same time. She felt the need to explain herself. Jacob nodded so he didn't talk but just accepted- intrigued by what she felt so guilty for.

'I tried telling you this before, but the other day when we went to the beach it felt so perfect and nice-' she said unable to come up with any other synonyms . 'It's what I've always wanted to do it's what typical coupes do... And well , I've never had that. ' she gulped trying to hold back her tears before steadying her breath and continuing 'I can see your love for me and yet all you've done for me has proven that and I haven't done anything or given you anything back. The day after we went out to the beach in the morning you just got up and left because you knew I wouldn't want to walk in with you, I never spoke to you in the car and when we got home  we just went to bed we didn't speak after you came with me '

Jacob cut her off , stopping her from saying anymore and making herself feel anymore upset 'Connie you have nothing to feel guilty about , it's what couples do , be there for each other ' he was trying to get Connie to understand his point as well, but failing as she continued to speak again.

'That's my point Jacob that's all you've done to me' her voice was irritated why wouldn't he let her finish but seizing the moment he didn't reply she tried again 'I just dumped grace on you after not speaking to you before, that was the first time I had saw you all morning i didn't even say hi , I didn't even ask you was it alright I just abandoned grace with you, then I saw how well you two got on laughing , joking making her smile... All the things i should be doing but i failed her; I let her down ' tears blurred her vision as she was trying desperately not to let them fall but they were stinging her eyes but she had to continue'I was going to go home early , make it up to you, make a nice romantic diner show you how much I appreciate you but instead Sam ruined my plans and I sat here crying my eyes out whilst yet again you comforted me, it took me ages to say I love you back to you yet everyday you say it to me without fail, and I don't even say it back... I'm just waiting for the day when you won't be there because like all my other relationships which have failed due to me , I've always put work first or myself first then they get bored and fed up and then leave me , and now when I have the day off your going into work' tears were now uncontrollably falling down her cheeks and onto the island . She couldn't hold them back anymore she had tried long enough but just couldn't fight them any longer .

Jacob who was still stood resting on the island walked over and pulled her up from her chair and wrapped his arms around her encasing her tightly in a hug.'I promise you sweetcheeks I'll never leave you because you are the girl I have always dreamed about meeting ... I just hope you would never leave me' He  watched as panic spread across her face as she turned, to look up at him- he knew she had taken it the wrong way.

'What do you mean by that?' She spoke angrily confirming his fears... she had taken it the wrong way.'you saying I have a record for leaving people?' She backed out of his embrace and stood in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hips, clearly showing her anger .

'No con I didn't mean it like that' he spoke calming trying not to get aggravated and add to the already heating  situation.

'Are you saying that your worried I'm  going to leave you like I have done with all my other previous relationships? And don't tell me your not because that's what it sounded like '

'No well kinda-' she was turning things and he knew it

'What do you mean kinda - just get out and go to work!'

'No Connie please I didn't mean it like that and you know it ! ' he said taking a step closer to her to hold her.

'Get out !' Rejecting his comfort he was going to offer as she knew if he touched her she would break down.

'Fine, you get grace back by your self then' He had said it unintentionally he didn't mean it . He had said it in the heat of the moment . He had just made things a whole lot worse. Realising he had just said it he Quickly corrected himself 'I didn't mean it Connie'

'Just get out and go to work'